How does it feel to be near someone attractive?

It probably won't help much but when you're sexually attracted to someone, you know. Unless of course there is heavy denial going on.

When I was 14-15 I was doing this "test" on myself to see whether or not I liked women. So, I went on google and looked up pictures of attractive women and tried to look at them in a sexual way. The moment I did that I got extremely turned off by it and was disgusted. It felt very unnatural and it made me think that I was very straight. I even told my friends that I couldn't understand how anyone could find women attractive because to me they were the complete opposite.

After that, there were instances where I would feel attraction to girls and it felt "dirty" and quite unnatural because I wasn't used to it, I guess, and I was ashamed of it. I thought that I was attracted to guys and that the "attraction" felt natural probably because there wasn't any shame attached to it. Later on I started to see my attraction to women as some "dirty fetish/guilty pleasure" because that's kind of how it felt. It still didn't feel completely natural for me. It does now, though, as I've accepted and acknowledged it more.

What I'm trying to say is that if your attraction to men feels unnatural, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's not real. Perhaps you don't think that you are ashamed of it but I think it can often be a pretty unconscious thing that you're not even aware of. I mean, just the fact that the attraction gives you anxiety indicates that you're not 100% okay with it.

 

Don't force it, but don't deny yourself either. Being unsure of your orientation is absolutely fine. When I was in junior high (and it was "accepted" for girls to like guys), I remember feeling like I was "cool" (for lack of a better term) and accepted if I was involved in conversations about guys. I never really cared about any of the guys we'd talk about, but I definitely felt like I was normal and liked by peers. However, it was never truly real to me. I didn't know exactly what I was supposed to be feeling, but I knew it had to be more than that.

Anyways, my first true and real "crush", when I found someone truly attractive was years later. If felt like there was a warm bubble in my throat or something, and I could feel my stomach lifting upwards. I found her incredibly attractive, and I tried really hard (not even on purpose, my brain just decided then and there that I needed to really impress her) to make her laugh and smile.

So yeah, I guess I'm just going to say that you need to sit back and get your mind off of it. The more you focus on it, the harder it will be to truly figure yourself out. Just focus on school, friends, sports, art, whatever you want. Figure out who you are (minus the sexuality), and then one day it'll hit you and everything will make sense (or at least be a little bit clearer). You don't need to figure everything out right now, just give it time. The feeling will come.

 

As I read your message I kept noticing that it seemed like you were trying figure out your sexual orientation by by really THINKING it through--with logic/brains/intellect. It might be helpful if you can let all of the words in your brain just be words for a while and focus on what your gut tells you--without words. Have you seen/felt the difference between the two? Brain-type communication with yourself vs. gut-type communication with yourself. Brains sometimes come up with SO MANY WORDS that won't ever have the answer for stuff like this, but your gut know the truth without words. It can be hard to get in touch with your gut, but if you can hear it and trust it, it won't lead you astray.

 

Well, I haven't fully come to terms with me being gay yet, so this is from the perspective of the recently-in-denial guy.
When handsome guys pass by on the street my mind tells me that I want to look at them. My conscious mind tells me not to look because it will seem strange. So I look for a moment and try not to look again, although my mind wants so much. However, his image and presence remains in my mind when he is near. Sometimes I make a final glance the moment he is just by me.
I have also noticed that when I am somewhere with friends and I happen to spot a good looking guy sitting nearby, I tend to shout when I speak, smile more and generally do things to be noticed, although looking at my friends the whole time, as my mind is making me try to impress the other guy.