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Confused abo24ut my orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Crepy, Feb 23, 2015.

  1. Crepy

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    Greeting ec forums. I,m posting here because for the last 6 months I've found myself incapable of obsessing about my sexual romantic orientation and I'm hoping to find some more answers here.

    I'm a 26 year old male and for most of my life I've been 100% sure I was sthraight. Though be it a shy sthraight guy as I must honestly admit I've never had an girlfriend. When I had sexual fantasy it was as good as always about girls. I did have the odd fantasy about being turned into a girl against my will and have only had 2 sexual encounters with guys of which one was showing each other our private part. Which at the time didn't really do much for me. It neither aroused me nor did it disgust me. Infact I never even gave it a seccond thought. The seccond one was when I was watching the Tour de France and I found myself aroused by the look of the guys asses in those biker jeans. Besides that though all of my sexual experiences for as far as I can remember has been girl related and that has always felt natural.

    As of the last 6 months though. I've found that I've started to question if I wasn't perhaps gay. It all started with a hypnosis file I listened to for funsies which had a part in it which told me I was no longer going to feel atracted towards girls and instead towards guys. Then the next day for the first time in my life I saw a guy walking by and thought to myself "Wow he's atractive" which caused me to panic "Why did I think that!?" "Did the hypnosis unintenionaly have more effect on me then I thought!?". Since then I've been questioning my sexuality non stop and although it mostly revolves around being gay or not I've also questioned if I perhaps am a sissy however I feel fine being a man and after trying it out for a night putting on girls clothes and doing "Sissy things" I found it didn't do much for me and since then the questioning about maybe being a sissy stopped completly. The gay part I just cannot seem to figure out as at times I'm not at all attracted to girls and at times I'm very attracted to girls. With guys it's the same thing. I've tried to let it rest for a little while as my questioning thoughts seem to pop up 24\7 and grab my full attention span even if I try to just let them go for the time.

    So I'm curious to hear what you all think about this. Your input would be much appreciated.
     
  2. Quem

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    I can't tell whether you are LGBT or not, but I do think you might very well be not 100% straight, and there's nothing wrong with that. :icon_bigg

    You may want to answer, honestly and for yourself, one of these questions:

    - Can you imagine yourself being romantic with a girl?
    - Can you imagine yourself being romantic with a guy?
    - Can you imagine yourself being sexual with a girl?
    - Can you imagine yourself being sexual with a guy?

    You don't have to answer these questions here, but they may help you get a clearer view of your own orientation. =)
     
  3. Crepy

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    Yea maybe I'm not 100% sthraight. I just wish I knew for sure. I even find myself thinking okay I'll just be this orientation if that will make me stop questiong(which ofcourse it doesn't). Just because the constant questioning makes my live so much more impleasant then it used to be. I just seem to have an extreme urge to know what orientation I have. I don't even care anymore what orientation that would be just as long as it wouldn't finally stop these questioning thoughts and the acompanying anxiety popping up 24/7.

    I have tried asking myself those questions honestly. Yet it's like I don't trust my own answers on them no matter what I've answered. I have days where I think to myself "I'm gay I'm 100% sure of it" andnd days were I think "I'm sthraight I'm sure of it." I've even tried to be accepting of being gay. However after a while that would just lead to "guys nah. I'd rather have that very hot girl".
     
  4. Quem

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    That's not necessarily true, actually. =) I first thought I was bisexual, and even though it did (and does) make sense in a way, it's not the "best" label for me. Since I adopted the label gay for myself, I've not given it any thought at all anymore.

    Do you know why your answers seems to fluctuate? =) Is it possible that you might be willing to be straight, and when it's more likely that you are not, you dismiss it as you'd rather be straight? Is that possible?

    It might also be possible for you to be bisexual, which makes it difficult to pin down what you are if you only limit yourself to being either gay or straight.

    You can know for sure, if you are completely honest to yourself and try to cancel out consequences. Let's say that nothing will change when you decide to label yourself as gay/bisexual/straight/other. What would make most sense to you?

    Moreover, labels don't work for everyone. :icon_bigg Remember that it's only a description, but a label can't tell what you are exactly. =)
     
  5. Crepy

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    That's the thing though I've tried the gay/bisexual/sthraight label all already and none of them made me stop questioning it.


    Well it is true that when I have questioning thoughts about I ussualy try to tell myself that I am sthraight and that this gay thoughts are just silly thoughts. However I have had moments where I have tried to openly allow my gay thoughts to flow freely without judgement and they just didn't do much for me at that moment. As for consequences I don't consider the consequences all that much really. Hell I've even already told my mom and one of my best friends that I've been having these thoughts. Even if I think about it in my mind just to see if I care. I just don't see myself having a problem telling people I was gay/bisexual if that were to be true.

    for me it just focus purely on wether I'm sthraight or gay. The consequences don't even really come into play in my ind.
     
  6. Quem

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    I know that I used to watch gay porn (almost all of the porn I watched was gay), but in real life, I was never attracted to guys (nor girls, for that matter). But I met my boyfriend. =) In fact, I labeled myself bisexual and with his help, I discovered that the label gay made much more sense.

    As far as I can tell, you are likely not straight. =) And you have no problem with that, which is very good (as it makes things a lot easier). However, it is new to you and a part of you tries to dismiss the thoughts. I think you put to much weight on trying to find the label. =) Just go with your feelings. If you find a guy to be attractive (and you want to pursue a relationship), go for it. If it's a girl, go for it. :icon_bigg

    There's no need in trying to find a label when you know that it doesn't seem to fit properly. :icon_bigg The label might come eventually. =)
     
  7. Crepy

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    Maybe so infact I am considering visiting a gay bar in the hopes to finally stop my questioning. So I can finally say "Well I flirted with guys and I actually really liked it or I tried it yet found it just isn't for me. So now I can let it rest. Not sure if this is a good idea though.

    I do have good reason to consider myself sthraight more then other orientations though. At least I find them to be good reasons. I do still find myself attracted to girls in real life for most my life and only the last 6 months every once in a while to a guy and when I just masturbate with no starting thoughts what so ever. Just letting the images in my mind flow freely. I do always end up with a girl. Another reason is. When I was in a very busy restaurant yesterday I found my eyes unconcouisly kept on wondering towards good looking girls. Not good looking guys. I do agree with you however that if you find a girl/guy attractive it might be a good idea to pursue it and see where it leads to.


    Like I've said before I did try to just let it go. Yet it almost seems like my own mind doesn't want to let me.
     
  8. Jax12

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    Labels never really sat well with me. I guess to me, a label puts me in a box and I don't like being put in a box, because at that point you just get stereotypes and it doesn't feel righto you.

    I also find girls attractive in real life. I've gotten erections just being close to someone that I find attractive. For guys, it doesn't really feel right, though I've considered it. It's much harder to imagine a romantic/emotional attraction to guys because all my life I never had that connection with guys. I always hung out with guys more because of interests and whatnot.

    For me, bisexual feels more accurate than gay, but it still doesn't sit well with me. Takes time to figure out something so complex. My mind bounces around the sexuality continuum and so I just left my orientation as it is right now.
     
  9. Quem

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    It might help you finding out, it definitely might. =) But of course, it might also not help anything. Some gay people (me included) wouldn't go to a gay bar. =) But if there's something in you that wants to go, then I would definitely recommend you to go. :icon_bigg

    I see what you mean, but you must know that it doesn't say that much. Some people discover that they are gay when they are already married to someone of the oposite sex. I believe that you look at girls, I do. :icon_bigg But of course, I don't know whether you are trying to push it in that direction. There are quite some people who are gay who "looked at girls" and even felt attracted to them, at least, so they thought. They discovered later that they were trying to see that attraction, the attraction that was not really there.

    I'm not saying that's what you are doing (because I honestly can't tell), but I'm saying this because it's not uncommon. :icon_bigg Especially since you say: "Like I've said before I did try to just let it go. Yet it almost seems like my own mind doesn't want to let me."