I've felt gay for my whole life even though I've never had any strong feelings for anyone. I'm sometimes scared that I'm delusional and secretly straight. Mainly because I get extremely anxious around certain guys. Especially guts that show an interest in me. It gets even worse if the guys are cool or good looking. I'm scared that I'm only attracted to those guys and all my gay feelings were fake.
I've also felt straight my whole life but never had any strong feelings for anyone. Have you been properly diagnosed for OCD? I'm concerned that my past attractions for girls were all lies, and that I am just a gay person that can't accept it. I also get extremely anxious around certain guys, and it definitely does not feel "good". I've recently accepted that I may be bisexual, but it's still out in the open. What happens when you talk to them? Does the anxiousness subside/increase?
Hey perhaps you're worrying too much about labels? I'm out as gay, I'm absolutely fine with it, but I have found myself having some sort of sexual attraction for girls too sometimes. I've thought about this a lot, and the best thing I can say is I'm about 85% gay. I'm gay enough to be out as gay, and not bi, but I don't feel 100% gay. Perhaps you're like that? I don't think sexuality is completely black and white. I think it's easier if you look at it like a percentage.
Wow what you write sounds so much like me, especially a couple years ago when I was in full-swing questioning mode all the time. I kept thinking I "wanted" to be lesbian or whatever to make myself more different or more liberal or whatever, and maybe I was actually straight. I've heard more than a few people on this site share this same concern, so I'm thinking it's probably a product of overthinking. You're the only one I've heard mention the bit about feeling nervous around guys, though; I've had that quite a lot and I think some of it, for me, is residual shyness from spending years talking to pretty much no one around me. and I've always been more comfortable with girls. So I don't think that getting anxious around guys is a sign of anything, much less that all your gay feelings were fake. Maybe it could also be that you think you should be nervous around them, as if you're attracted to them? Subconsciously? That crossed my mind when I was having this debate on and on with myself. (I also am very seldom attracted to anyone at all, so it's even harder for me to really know where I fall, though I've decided I can't be straight, whatever I am.. You didn't mention any experiences or really strong feelings that would sway you one way or the other; that makes it harder because it's all hypothetical. Part of me wants to say that that should make it easier, because it should be fluid and gray-area is okay, but I know it sort of makes it worse, not having much to draw on for evidence.) I don't know if I can actually help you, except to say that things should settle with time, and wherever they do settle--probably in some muddled gray area that you might never fully figure out, but that is all right--you don't have to label it nor does it have to settle set in stone. Things change. Live and let live, you know? Maybe?
yeah, I guess that would scare me too. but maybe you're bi, or fluid, or just nervous. just be yourself, feel your feelings, and be open and not too judgmental of yourself. just try practicing mindfulness, thinking about your reactions, your feelings, what is going on when you have those feelings with guys, with girls. you'll figure it out eventually. in the meantime, just try to enjoy being you!
I've thought about being bi or fluid. It terrifies and disgusts me. My feelings for guys just feel so weird and unstable.
wow, that's a pretty strong, visceral reaction. I don't think you really need to worry about it. As far as weird and unstable feelings, well those are not all that strange. Some funky feelings do not a change in sexuality make! But wondering about our feelings, and doubting ourselves is not all that unusual either. you're OK. (&&&)
You can read this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/67893-hocd.html Whether or not it's relevant to you, I don't know, but it might be.
