So I'm still sorting out my attractions/feelings and whatnot, taking it day by day and see where it leads to. I know that there is a straight side in me. Even when I doubt myself, I know that deep inside I have an attraction towards girls, and my body's response to it proves it's true. There is, however, an unresolved attraction to older men. Or maybe older men is simply what I'm attracted to, who knows? Anyone still have the attractions to older men? I've told my psychologist that if the opportunity came to date a guy, then I wouldn't mind dating the guy because I don't really have a problem with it...? I mean, I'd make it clear to that guy that I'm still figuring out who I am. The last thing I want to do is give anyone false hope. But speaking of older men, I would like to safely experiment with an older man. How should I approach this experimentation? I know an app to contact others, but any other suggestions?
Take it slow, meet in public, and actually date. Go on a couple of dates before even getting the slightest bit intimate. If they aren't willing to be patient with you, then they don't care about you. Don't rush into sex, don't let them pressure you or guilt you into anything. Paying for a dinner is not the entrance fee to your pants... Build trust before you jump into bed with anyone.
I haven't settled on my orientation yet, so dates aren't really an option. At this point, dating older men is like seeking a father son relationship which is not what I envision. It doesn't feel right, although I'm still looking into this further... I'm looking for anything too serious at the moment, just want to find out a couple things.
Sometimes feeling attracted to someone has to do with a wish to actually possess some of that person's qualities, in your case an older man's looks, presentation or just their experience, being wiser... It's very attractive for young people, just look at Sean Connery, even people his own age find him cool. I don't advice you dating someone older right now. Try to get closer to older men, as a friend, in normal enviroments, and see how it goes, don't rush anything. It's hard (almost impossible) to avoid that father-son thing, so don't feel too dissapointed if it happens. Older people tend to take younger people under his wings. By the way, there is plenty of time, and you are free to enjoy your own fantasies in the meantime.
That is exactly what my paychologst said as well, so I'm trying to look into this attraction more, as she suggested. She did not suggest sex, but it's something I have in mind.
Hi Jax, Referring to your 2nd post in this thread: how are you going to experiment if you don't want to date anyone? Just look for an online anonymous sex encounter? That will protect your secret from the outside world, but other than that there are no bbenefits: it will not allow you to check how you really feel romantically about men (or allow you to find out that you might not be romantically attracted to men at all), it might make you feel miserable and it might put you at risk to catch an std. Why not go out to a gay bar and talk to someone, maybe exchange numbers, and take things slow. Or if you do decide to seek someone online, make sure you get to know the person well enough. What do they expect from a date? Do they want sex and if yes, then which kind of sex? Make clear to them what you would like to do and what not. Ask if they have or have had an std. At this stage you probably don't even think of all that, but watch out when you start experimenting, most guys are after sex. A conversation on camera (skype) is usually a good starting point to get a feel of the person and see what they are like. If anything, be careful and don't trust easily. Let us know how it goed.
@Chet I think a gay bar is a tad too far at the moment. I mean, I still don't feel like I identify with that group. I still don't know if I'm gay or bi, but I'm still deciding between the two. I'm only attracted to a very limited group of men (older men), which leads me to think that there's something more I need to find out about this attraction. There's a lot of things that don't add up at the moment, so I'm still trying to figure things out. Like @Vodkabaret said, my attractions to older men may just be a reflection of what I wish to see in myself, or I could be completely wrong and older men it just the type of guys I'm into. Could be a simple as that, but as far as dating goes, girls still feel natural and right to me, and not form a societal normal standpoint, but because I do honestly have attraction for women. Maybe not ones that make me want to masturbate to them, but ones that can get me hard and get me to stop for a minute.
