Hi everyone.. I was searching up questions about my sexuality and i found this website and i guess i figured i'd give it a try. So here's my thoughts right now, i'm 20 years old, i've been with 3 women so far sexually and 0 men/trans/etc but yet the question still stands in my head day after day "am i really straight?". The reason for this question is, as much as i've gotten aroused by women sexually and enjoyed having sex with a woman, i've never actually came and my goals when with a woman is less of "i want to get off" and more i want to get them off and i never usually end up finishing, but to add to this i also enjoy gay pornography.. like i feel like i would be into it but at the same time i have a really big problem with.. well.. erm... butts i guess. they don't turn me on no matter who it belongs to. Could i still be gay without wanting to receive or give anal sex? It is a sexual liking for gay porn after all. I don't understand what exactly i am orientation-wise.. Am i bisexual? but if so, why have i never really "gotten off" by physical contact with a woman, yet i could easily do so with just myself. I'm pretty tired i guess so i might just be rambling through my mind and asking the same question over and over but it's been bothering me a long time, and being 20 years old i feel if i am something other than straight i don't really want to "come out" because i don't like making big deals out of anything, my sister is a very large supporter of the LGBTQ community but i don't think i could tell her or anyone if i really was bisexual or gay or hell even asexual. I guess what i'm saying is i'd love help with this but for myself and you guys here are probably the best choice and top tier people to help me with it. So if anybody has any thoughts on this or could help me out, i'd really appreciate it before i go insane from these thoughts always racking in my head. :bang:
No, you don't need to be attracted to butts / enjoy anal sex to be bisexual. And hey, if you enjoy having sex with women, never actually getting off is a little odd but you're still attracted to them! Oh, and don't worry about the whole "coming out" thing. Do straight people shout "I'M STRAIGHT!" from the roof of their house? Nope! So why should you?
Sexual orientation is very complex. It isn't as simple as people having sex with each other and using that to determine their orientation, but it might be useful to explore it. Sex is great because of the physical sensation it provides, but to my knowledge, couples get married not only because of sex, but many other things combined. What I'm doing right now is using an app to just talk to people. When I get comfortable around them, then I start opening up more. I'm taking it slow until I'm ready.
Being gay doesn't automatically mean you like anal sex. Based on responses I've seen to various threads on the topic here on EC, I'd estimate that around 25-30% of guys aren't into anal, with 'aren't into' covering everything from 'Well, if you want to, I suppose we can' to 'Hell will freeze before I ever do that!!!'. It just depends on the person. Frankly, there's a lot of stuff guys can do together besides anal that feels awesome. Porn is not really a good indicator of orientation since it's designed explicitly to turn on and titillate from the get go. A better indicator would be trying out some activities such as: a) Masturbate without porn and let your mind go wherever it wants with no ideas about what you 'should' be thinking about or judgement about what you do think about. Aim to let a fantasy just happen, rather than replaying some porn that you've seen somewhere. Ok, where does your mind tend to go - toward sex with a woman or a man? b) Masturbate without porn, but this time fantasize about doing stuff with a guy (note above about there being other options besides anal - let your mind go where it wants not where it's 'supposed to' in regards to activities). Next time you masturbate, fantasize about doing stuff with a woman. Now, which fantasy feel better, get's you off more? c) When you're out and about some day, allow yourself to be 'gay for a day' and check out guys. No judgement, no worries about what you 'should' be doing. Another day, check out women. Which do you enjoy more? Based on these you may get a better idea of which way your orientation is leaning. Note also that you can be bisexual but lean more toward men or women (it's not always a straight 50-50 split) and that your inclinations may shift with time. Hope this helps, Todd
@AKTodd I think options A and B are OK, because even when you aren't watching porn, your brain is still replaying the videos or fantasies in your head that link back to porn. So it really depends on how long you have been watching it, and most importantly, for what reason. C is probably a better option, at least to me. That way, you can go out there an interact with real people, which is something porn fails to provide. Porn is just acts that people can masturbate to for whatever reason. The other day, and girl touched my arm with her hand and I had this sudden surge of... excitement? It felt good, that's for sure. Not boner/arousing good, but I would like to feel that again.
Hmm. That's an interesting thought - If I'm understanding you correctly, what you're indicating is that watching porn can lead to a person having less imaginative ability to make up their own sexual fantasies from whole cloth. I'm of a generation where video porn wasn't readily available when I was a teenager, and even when I was old enough and in a place to easily get it, I found most of it pretty boring and just FF to the parts I was interested in. I've always tended to prefer literotica and/or still images to videos - so a good bit of imagination is required to either visualize what is being described or take the image beyond just what is being shown. And I've always found it pretty easy to fantasize stuff from whole cloth that goes a good bit beyond what porn depicts. You may have given me a reason to be at least somewhat against young people having access to porn before a certain age. Hmm. Todd
That is correct. It sort of screws up with your expectations of reality, hence why porn =/= reality. I really wish I never knew about porn, because I wasn't I could be focused much less about sex and more about my orientation, which doesn't really revolve that much around sex (at least it shouldn't).
