Hello People of Earth! Let's dive right in, shall we? I am a 21 y/o cis-male. I am in a serious long term relationship (of three years) with my best friend (of 3 years prior to said relationship.) She and I are moving in together very soon, and things could not be going better. I'll put it out there, mine is not an issue of an endangered relationship, or anything dire. I'm just trying to figure things out for me. That being said. Since I was about 16 or 17 (but probably before that) I've had, shall we say, thoughts, or feelings, about certain *ahem* friends. Of the male persuasion. I've never shared these feelings, or acted on them with anyone. (Alone in my bedroom doesn't count, right?) I am very much attracted to women, and my girlfriend more than anyone, but I noticed that I have been ogling attractive men just as much as attractive women (calm down, me and my lady are fine with looking), and there's a question that has been nagging at me for a while now. Am I bisexual? In my not-so-distant teen years, I would, on occasion, lock myself in my room with an internet connection and revel in the infinite possibilities of said internet. My forays would sometimes take me down an unexpected, but not unpleasant path. Porn. Sometimes gay porn. Mind you, I've never been afraid of these feelings, or ashamed. I've just never been brave enough to act on them with anyone. And one of my closest friends (now in NY and in a healthy relationship) was gay. I could have talked to him about it, but I never had the courage. Okay, so I was a little nervous. Recently I've been trying to figure out this life thing, and I just get the feeling that it would be easier if I at least knew everything about myself. So there you have it. Sorry if it's long winded, but I enjoy writing. I certainly hope I would, what, with my desire to be a novelist. Sorry if I bored you.:icon_redf
Well- it sounds like you're figuring things out pretty well on your own! As for weather you're bisexual - are you attracted to women? According to your post, yes. Are you attracted to men? According to your post, yes. So bisexual it is. It's important to note that being bi does not mean that you are equally attracted to either sex - take a look at this scale.
I suppose I'm just wondering if this level of attraction to the same sex comes standard to all heterosexual people. As I said, I've never discussed it with anyone, so I'm not 100% sure... But let's assume, based on the evidence, that I am in fact bisexual. How do I tell my girlfriend? I know she would be fine with it, but that's a bit of a bombshell to drop on someone...do I just come out and say it, do I ease in to it, with a joke? How do I tell my parents? DO I tell them? There's no real need for them to know, and with my relationship going as well as it is, I'll probably never have any kind of experience with another man. Not gonna lie, that last sentence did make me just the tiniest bit sad... But anyway.
I'm currently struggling with defining my sexuality. Im mostly attracted to males, with only some attraction to females. Sometimes the scale is tipped so far in one end that I hesitate in claiming bisexuality. However, due to the interest in keeping options open (I have this fear that once I claim one side over the other that there will be no return) I do currently label myself bisexual. Therefore you are not alone in your confusion! In regards to how to tell others ( or to tell others)it is something you want (to tell others) because the reason your questioning is because you feel that this is a part of who your are. My family was accepting, but a little confused. But they were willing to understand. If you feel that your family would be willing too, then go for it. I felt a lot better for it, and even though you have a girlfriend, it doesn't mean you should have to keep part of your identity hidden.
So. Not being an overtly religious man, and one who profoundly believes that evidence doesn't lie, I am forced to come to the conclusion that I am, in fact bisexual. It feels nice. Like everything makes sense, and I finally know who I am. Now the hard part. Telling the people in my life. I've already told two of my friends, one is the aforementioned NY friend, who I know realize I always had a crush on, and another friend who is marrying her lady this summer. Things make sense. Thank you. I know I haven't been on this site for even a day, but reading the posts and getting a feel for the kind of community y'all have built here, I felt comfortable writing it and, by extension, saying it. So thank you, all. It means a lot.
It's important to note that for bisexuals, their attractions can fluctuate. it probably won't flucatuate as much, when your in a relationship, but yeah, just throwing it out there... This sort of feels true to me, but I'm still looking into it more. I'm using an app right now to talk to guys, rather than just jumping right into sex. ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2015 at 05:05 PM ---------- Same here, couldn't agree more. It's kind of annoying, to be honest.
I have noticed a bit of fluxuation, but I'm not looking for a hookup or anything. I'm in a committed relationship and not looking for a guy or anything like that. Just figuring myself out.
