Do any of you ever have this feeling that even though you're pretty sure you're bi or gay or lesbian, that you're not? I've always known I've liked guys and eventually girls, too, but it's always been a question in the back of my mind whether I really do like girls. I guess maybe because I've had experience with guys but been afraid I'd get turned off by a girl when given the chance to get intimate? I actually just recently have discovered that my fears were nothing to worry about, I have taken things further than just a friendship with a girl (finally!) and it was amazing. Nothing to worry about. I just wondered if I was the only one who thought that way?
Maybe this is common among bisexuals/pansexuals. About me, I don't feel attraction for men. Occasionally only romantic/platonic feelings, but they aren't so much important for me since I'm not interested in romantic/platonic relationships without sex with a person. So, I can define myself gay, despite I can feel platonic feelings for a guy.
I have this fear, too. Mostly due to lack of experience, I think, but there's also a part of me that still slips into denial every now and again. My therapist said something that made sense, that I haven't really fully stepped into the identity yet of being gay. And it's very true. I know I'm attracted to women but I do worry-what if when it comes down to it, I don't actually like being with a girl? Or, what if I'm discounting feelings for guys? I think in part it's part of the acceptance process, perhaps? I still have a really, really hard time saying "I'm gay" or "I'm a lesbian." There's this dissonance and I am still pretty uncomfortable with the labels.
Yes, I'm living with this from day to day. I keep trying to find 'reasons' for why I might also be attracted to guys. Explanations. None of them are ever conclusive. I'm realizing that there is a double standard here. No-one asks why they like the opposite sex. No 'explanation' is needed, you either feel it or you don't, right? Well I think it's the same with gay attraction. But some of us endlessly question 'why' we like the same gender as ourselves.
I feel like I'm struggling with this as well. It flucatuates even to the end of the spectrum. Sounds very similar to what you guys are saying. Similar to Damien, I always find answers to why am I attracted to guys, or more specifically, older men, but I guess I'll take it a day at a time.
