Hi! I'm a sixteen year old girl who's into girls. My romantic orientation is confusing me tho...sometimes I feel like I have a crush on one of my best friends. She means a lot to me and I get really excited and happy to be around her, I get butterflies in my stomach and start smiling like an idiot, when I think about her I get really happy and I tend to idealize people and romanticise her...but then the next day she just feels like a friend. Then the next day I feel like I'm in love with her. I've never had a crush on anyone, male or female, so I don't really know whether fluctuating emotions is normal or not...? I also sometimes get really sad around her, knowing she is taken and that we may never be together. And from what I know you're not supposed to feel sad around your crush. I have social anxiety and depression and really bad self esteem, when I'm around her I get really quiet and I'm just kind of in awe of her. I always forget what I was going to say and end up making a fool of myself. But the weird thing is, I feel more affectionate toward her when she's gone and I'm not intimidated by her presence. When she's around me my emotions just kind of shut down. I sometimes think I'm *forcing myself* to have a crush on her because it will *confirm* that I'm gay or something. Or maybe my crush is just dying down, getting less intense...does that happen? Also side note. Is it possible to have a crush on more than one person at a time? Because there's this bisexual girl who rides the bus and she's very good looking and nice...I *feel things* when I'm around her.
Seems like a pretty typical crush to me. I would get somewhat sad around a serious crush as well, if I knew they were taken and I had no chance with them. How often are you around her? Because in my experience you start "idolizing" people the less you're actually with them. Not sure where you got romantically fluid from, I don't think there is any reason to think that unless there's something you didn't mention. As far as multiple crushes at the same time, even married people are sexually attracted to people other than their partner, so that's pretty average as well. If your feelings towards your friend are as strong as they seem, I'd say that it would be better if you told her. It isn't really fair to her that she is often around someone who feels far more towards her than she realizes, and not saying anything is kind of like leaving a splinter in your finger until it gets infected. It hurts, but once you pull it out it does heal.
