I know to most people, I'm probably going to sound silly. For most of my life, I'd considered myself asexual biromantic. I never really felt sexual feelings for anyone. Hell, I hardly ever got crushes. (Those mostly consisted of me wanting to be really good friends with my crush and maybe hugging.) During a 3.5-year relationship with a guy, I started developing sexual feelings, mostly for the guy I was with. (Also a strong curiosity of sexual relations with a girl.) At that point, I figured maybe I was demisexual instead of just full-on asexual. Cool, I guess. We never had sex, but I started wanting to. A couple years after we broke up, I'm realizing that I still feel...sexual. I still want to experience what sex feels like, except...not really? This is all new to me. I can't seem to stop checking everyone out. Before, I hardly checked anyone out at all. I used to have this thing about not checking out friends or friends' significant others, but I've been doing a hell of a lot of that too. (I feel REALLY guilty when I accidentally see a friend's cleavage and keep staring. And before anyone asks, no, I'm not religious. Was raised Buddhist but stopped identifying as such in early college. And I'm turning 27 in a few months.) Is it normal to check out friends as well as strangers? Not in a "oh, hey, you look nice today" but in a..."you look niiice" sort of way...if that makes any sense. I never fantasize about having sex with them but I probably wouldn't mind copping a feel or somewhere between first and second base. That is, if I didn't consider it so goddamn awkward.
It's definitely normal, though it might be new for you. And it's only considered "not ok" if you're super obvious about it... otherwise it's usually no big deal, because everyone does it. It can be extremely difficult not to.
I guess I'm mostly struggling with it because it's new to me. It started developing within the last 3-4 years and only now that I've been single for a while has it gotten to this point, where I feel it's bad (for my own standards) but others see it as normal. I'd known I was bi for about a year or two before I entered in a heterosexual relationship where the guy was perfectly accepting of it, so I kept fairly closeted about it for most of the relationship and never actually did anything outwardly about my sexuality. I feel like once I started feeling sexually attracted to him, it was a sort of...unlocking of something in my brain, and now I can't just lock it back up, and it's running rampant. DX Side note: FancyGummy, I love your little "About" section on the side there. Nearly choked while laughing at "Now available in your local community closet!"
