Hi, this is my first post on this website, I was googling earlier today and when I saw this website I thought I should ask away as I have no one to talk to around me. I don't really know what to do or think and any advise would help tremendously. I am 20 years old and I have only ever been with men. I have always appreciated the female form and my first crush when I was in secondary school was a girl but I never acted on it. I think the reason I am so confused is because I can see myself with a woman romantically but not sexually, I honestly wouldn't know what to do and I would be quite scared. I have been sexually intimate with men before so that is comfortable for me. When it comes to relationships I only really think about it romantically, holding hands kissing cuddling and so forth but nothing more, I don't think I'm that much of a sexual person. I am afraid that if I met a woman and when it came to sex that I wouldn't know what to do for them and that if it was a relationship I would change my mind and hurt them. I am afraid that I will find out it is a phase or I won't enjoy or be good enough intimately with them. When I look for someone I mainly look for companionship, someone to be with, I am quite a romantic and affectionate when with someone but sex isn't too much of a factor, it is important but not as important to me. I guess I am just pretty afraid, I haven't told my friends and I have no friends other than straight ones that I know would completely not understan. There is quite a large lgbt community in Manchester but I would have no friends to go with if I went on a night out in the gay village and I'd be afraid of going alone. I don't know if it's worth mentioning I have anxiety, stress and depression which could play a part in why I'm so afraid. Thank you for reading this any opinion or advise would help and if you have any questions then fire away. Thank you.
Hey, Try and put the fear aside and do as your heart desires, if you don't take the chance you'll never get to know what actually pleases you.
Well first off, it's good that in general you'll look for companionship rather than sex. I've learnt the hard way that it's not such a good idea to look for someone based lust/visual appeal. I also have anxiety, stress, and depression. The thing with anxiety is that if you let it take control of you, you won't be able to hear yourself or be able to trust your gut. Good thing is that you can control this anxiety. You can do something about it. I have absolutely no problem with anyone that is gay/bi/trans, etc, but there seems to be a problem if I am gay/bi. I'm not in denial, as I have accepted my sexual thoughts with older men, but if I had a crush on a friend and I knew I would be happier with him, then that's how it is and I won't fight it. Labels don't make it easier either. However, anxiety is causing me a lot of confusion because my past dates have proven to me that I do indeed have an attraction for girls. I know that there's a part of me that likes girls, and my subconscious actions to girls I find attractive are visible among all my friends. When you like someone, it shows (at least that's how it is for me). Try to lower your anxiety first, because to me it sounds like that's what's causing your brain to go overdrive. If and when you feel comfortable, maybe explore these feelings a bit. Talking to others on EC may also help, since you get help first hand on how to be comfortable with your feelings (orientation issues aside). You'll make it out alive.
i had that same problem i like this guy yes he was in to girls he thinks that i'm actually a gay guy since I'm actually a transgender male it have always been hard to find some one to love so I've tried bi sexually guys out I'm just to jealous to be with a man I guess i feel this way because I'm a transgender male and please don't tell me to date a woman cause I won't or/I refuse to be with a woman I respect them to much
Thank you so much Jax12 that really did help me and your reply made so much sense to me, I didn't think that it could be my anxiety making me so worried as I have felt it for so long that I don't really trust what I think too often, I will definitely work on it. It is nice to finally be able to say (or write) what I have been thinking for ages without laughing or judgement. I really appreciate it.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I can relate to pretty much everything you just said. I really feel this desire for closeness and intimacy with women, but the thought of sex just makes me nervous more than anything else. I think if I was in a relationship with someone who I connect with and can trust then it might be different though. I also really feel like my anxiety kind of distorts my thoughts and feelings a lot, and I really wish I could be in a place where I could make life decisions based on what I truly want to do rather than fear. Lately I've just been feeling so exhausted because I feel like the constant worrying is just sucking all the energy out of me. At the moment it seems that my almost 6 year relationship (now long distance) with a guy might be ending, and there's just no end to the doubting and questioning even though i think a part of me know that it's the right thing to do... I know how scary it feels to go out on your own, but I think it would really help to find some other LGBT people to talk to. Recently I found this meetup group in my area for people who are gay and have social anxiety that I signed up for as i thought it might be a safe place to start, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be very active... Maybe you could find some kind of group in Manchester? Or maybe you could just create a profile on a dating site or something and write that you're just looking for friends to go out with? I'm sure there are people who are in a similar situation. Anyway, if you want to talk then you can always PM me. Hugs!
