It's sounds typical to use the "father abuse/issues" as a way of determining what it has to do with your sexual orientation, even I used it. But then I figured maybe older guys is what I'm into; the fact that they're experienced, wise, and could teach me a thing or two makes it seem more appealing. I have been physically and psychologically abused heavily by my father, but even then I still had crushes and talked about girls with my guy friends, however there was a mysterious attraction to older men, and since then the fantasy of me being used and pleasuring them has increased. Ive considered gay (which is not likely at the moment), bi, or just straight with homoerotic fantasies, which is possible. I found that for gay/bi people in denial, they don't know to admit it to themselves that they are gay/bi. My problem here is being unable to decide which one I am, out of the 3 that make the most sense to me. It's easy for a gay guy to say they wouldn't make out with a girl, (cause you see it everywhere and you would know that's not right for you) but it's harder for a guy to say he wouldn't make out with a guy simply because there could be denial/homophobia involved. So you can see why I'm so confused. If I had a crush or any crushes in my life then that would make it more obvious, and this confusion would end. Speaking of crushes, what is it suppose to feel like? Just trying to clear some things up. In addition, I've been communicating with older men with an app, and it's erotic talking to them and being praised and whatnot, but it gets a bit unsettling when it comes to "let's do something together". Sometimes I'll just immediately discard that thought and tell myself for a second that I'm just discovering my tastes, and it may or may not have anything to do with my orientation. Thoughts?
