When I live my life day to day I might find myself attracted to either gender depending on the time or place or some weird thought I don't know what causes them. It causes a lot of confusion but when I log on here at empty closets I am reading through posts and I think something along the lines of "why am I on here I'm straight and there is no doubt about it" I truly believe that while I'm on here. What's up with real life confusion if a virtual one has none? Any thoughts would be helpful.
who are you dating? who have you been in love with? who do you have sex with? the answers to those questions will tell you if you're gay or straight. Random thoughts and fantasies can be confusing, but who you fall in love with and who you have sex with is a pretty reliable indicator.
Actually sexual conduct doesn't really tell what your orientation is. I have some lesbian friends who recently are with other girls but would have sex with men over and over again even though they didn't like it. I think orientation has much more about how you feel when you're having sex with someone or the feelings you have when you're around a particular person - rather than just the image of who you're dating or having sex with. Although being in love would be a good indicator of the sex/gender you prefer. The virtual vs real life thing - let's face it, real life is what matters. Reading what people have to say or feel is completely different than feeling feelings when you're with a particular person. The latter is what indicates what really matters to you and can help you find your sexual orientation label (if that's what you're trying to do). I'm a little bias because I'm bi, but I think sexuality if fluid and the gender isn't as important as what a certain person makes you feel inside, and when you start to do more things with them and those feelings grow, then I'd say just go with the flow and see where it takes you (whatever gender).
I don't know how much this will help, but I find taking the labels people assign to themselves, of gay, straight, bi, etc, and throwing them out the window is a good starting point. Sexuality can be a pretty complicated thing. It's different for everyone, and getting all hung up on defining 'what' particular label best fits for you isn't necessarily the best starting point. You're on here, because you're confused about it. Just because you're straight, does not mean you can't experience situations, or develop attractions, that make you question that. People aren't by nature entirely gay or entirely straight. It sounds to me like in your real life, at least from what you've said, that you are (at least to some extent) attracted to the same gender. That's great. It's also totally normal. If you identify yourself as straight, then those kinds of thoughts and that kind of attraction can, however, be pretty confusing. Many people who identify as straight, or even people who identify as gay, experience attraction to both the same, and the opposite, gender in varying amounts. The best advice I can give is to not let it worry you. Finding another guy attractive, or even fantasizing about them, when you for the most part identify as straight is actually perfectly normal. It doesn't make you gay, or even bi, or whatever other definition you want to throw on it, unless that's how you want to identify yourself. Because at the end of the day, the sexuality you define yourself with is just another label. If you want to put on a label of being straight, then that's awesome. Having some attraction to guys can be a part of you as well, without having to change that, unless you want it to. Pesonally though, I'd go back to the start of this post, and throw the label out then window, and just go with what you feel. If you find yourself attracted to guys occasionally, then you are attracted to guys occasionally. It doesn't need to be broken down and analysed, and have a word assigned to it, unless you want that.
Yeah this is where I am right now... It's extremely confusing. It's like when I'm on the forum I know what Im truly attracted to yet when I'm out there my attractions go up and down, and it's not settling. It seems like it's less about coming out and more about deciding what to be.
obviously, a part of the "who you're having sex with" is an assumption that you enjoy having sex with that gender. If someone is having sex with a gender that they find repulsive for whatever reason, then that also tells them something different. but if you are strongly attracted to women and enjoy their company and sex with them, that tells you one thing. same if its with men.
As far as the sex question goes. I have never had any. I have never kissed anyone either. I get too nervous in general. But that's me with any situation. I'm afraid to explore either gender further. It's weird. Jax I guess at least we know we aren't the only ones feeling this way in the world.
Yeah, I'm surprised there was someone else going through what I was. I am not sure why I keep goin back and forth, but I believe that I am attracted to certain types of guys to some extent. It's almost like admiration taken to the next level.
Yeah. But growing up I always saw guys having the typical "bromance" I always wanted one like they did. I never really felt sexual attraction until heading to college. Even now I'm not sure it's that. I just want to spend a lot of time with some of them. But i have never really thought about a sexual act with them. Just that they ate really attractive. Never want to kiss them or touch them or anything like that. The more I hang out with friends (first set I've ever had) I move further away from finding them attractive and more into finding a woman attractive.
That's a good point, as I agree with you on that. As soon as conversations begin I get to know who they are, the initial thoughts/feelings aren't there anymore and it's just another guy that I can connect with because of interests, etc.
Part of me wonders if my brain is still developing things like attraction. I'm 21 but brains develop into their 20s. Plus growing up my heart didn't grow fast enough to keep up with my physical body. I wonder if it's the same kind if thing? I would love a magical neon sign to tell me. But with finding women more attractive month to month and men less attractive it's just very confusing and liberating at times. I feel I should be straight not because of external factors but that it just feels right. But then I feel some kind if attraction to a male and I'm confused as to why. And when I feel confident I feel attracted to women as opposed to men. My confidence seems to cause my orientation as opposed to the other way around. If that made sense
That makes absolute sense. It's what you feel inside that says you're straight. Not because being straight is the norm, but because you know it feels right to you. But that's where I'm at, trying to find out what feels right to me. I've surrounded myself with pro-gay type media and it's fine, I'm totally cool with it. I know some gay people as well at work. But depending on the day, where I'm at, etc that's where it's like a roller coaster. It is also possible that a person with your thoughts could be straight with homoerotic interests. When I'm with my friends, no attractions there, and I even have to balls to talk to girls the way I wouldn't if my friends weren't there. My confidence is also quite low, so I know where you're getting at. Recently, I looked a girl in the eye and realized how cute she was, but from what I've gathered, a gay individual would appreciate her beauty and go no further than that. But I do. I want to hold her hand and be there for her. It's all about what feels right to you.
When I woke up this morning I thought " I am gay there is no way I am anything but." but when I went to bed last night I thought " I am straight there is no way u could be gay or even bi." why?!
Hey hiimpaul2014! Perhaps you feel "straight" here, because there are plenty of gay people and you feel that you can't identify with them. Yet in real life, you see straight people around you and you may feel that you don't fit in with them either. Remember that we are all unique. =) Are you familiar with the Kinsey Scale? In fact, sexuality is a spectrum, and some even report to have some degree of sexual fluidity. Even others feel they have quite a fluid sexuality. This might apply for you too. =)
