I sort of came out a while back, basically saying that I wasn't 100% straight. Now, I'm deciding on gay/bi, or some label that fits me the best... I general, my attractions fluctuate from day to day depending on who is there. I am aware that sometimes the bisexual term is used as a stepping stone to transition into gay, but has anyone gone through this? If there was no indication that I was into girls then I think it would be safe to say that I'm predominantly gay, but a lot of times when I get near a cute girl I have the sudden urge to kiss her or hold her hands. Dates are a different topic, but basically getting intimate with a girl is something I can see myself doing, and recently I've been able to see myself doing it with a guy. Why can't my confusion end? Am I trying to deny that I'm gay since I'm holding on to my past attractions to girls? Many times, I will envision myself dating girls but sometimes it backfires... it's the same with guys, but less at the moment.
Out of curiosity Jax12, are you going through depression lately or anything like that? I realized in my case, I was rather going through an obsessive cycle where I kept trying to find an answer to something that is impossible to get. Take it day by day man, stop obsessing about it, quit the fap and the porn for good, take some cold showers and see how it clears up your mind. Meditate and take up new habits, I realized because of the free time I have on my plate, my mind would wonder around about my sexuality... Obsessively. Try abstaining yourself from artificial stimuli and let nature take its course. You'll get your answer once you stop over thinking about it.
Spot on, I am going though depression since October last year. Since then everything in my life is going downhill. I've quit the porn, but now I'm using an app to communicate with older men. Nothing goes through my mind, it's like a drug where I want start to finish. While in my mind I can find them attractive like a role model, I cannot hear myself saying they look hot. It feels uncomfortvale, but of course I show it aside cause it seems like Homophobia. It's not just porn though, almost any guy that I see out there will start my anxiety/obsession, whereas before it didn't.
I have something to say about fluid attractions which may or may not apply to you. Even though I know I'm gay there are moments when I feel completely turned off by women and attracted to men. This sounds like my sexuality fluctuates but in reality it doesn't. I just haven't fully accepted my sexuality yet and the moments when I'm the most unaccepting I feel ashamed of it and I start to really like the idea of being with a guy so I feel more drawn and "attracted" to them. This used to confuse me when I questioned my sexuality and made me think I was bisexual. Have you tried to focus on why guys trigger this anxiety? Instead of focusing widely on what your sexuality is maybe you should only figure out why you get so anxious and obsessive about these things. I think it's pretty obvious that there is some kind of fear behind it since it makes you so anxious.
That's a great suggestion. I'll try focusing on why I feel so uncomfortable around those types of guys. Your second paragraph is interesting. There are also moments when I feel turned off by women, mainly by the ones that are full of gossip and are very clingy. All I know there is something about those types of guys that get me so anxious. I am nowhere near anxious with my guy friends unless they are very similar to the guys that I get anxious about.
