hi Sorry if this is confusing. So for the past few years I've been questioning whether or not I was a lesbian or not but never seriously until now. I've never had a boyfriend and have had a few crush type things on girls but never an actual, I want to date you, kind of crush. I've never been sure if I just really liked them as people or if it was more romantically inclined. Either way I was always able to convince myself that it meant nothing, that I was probably straight and would start to like guys given time. I guess I was kind of in denial, the possibility that I could be a lesbian would come up every couple of months and I would convince myself that I couldn't be. It went on like that for a few years until a couple months ago. There's this girl who's on my riding team that I'd never really hung out with much before this year. The one day, our entire team was there to clean up the barn and we had been hanging out all afternoon. At the end of the night, we were talking and I looked at her and I just felt this connection. Originally I thought it was that I really liked her and wanted to be her friend but my feelings quickly became something else. I began to see myself having a relationship with her as well as some sexual fantasy type things. Sometimes I get jealous when she talks to other people and I have no idea what her sexual orientation is. She's very touchy so it's kind of hard to tell. All I know is that she's never had a boyfriend. It kind of changed everything, I was more than happy to accept being a lesbian if it meant feeling the way I did when I thought about her. This feels different, more intense than anything else ever has. But still, I'm not sure, what if it's the same as with those other girls where I only really liked them as friends but this time I'm just more accepting of the possibility of being a lesbian? This is my first real crush but how do I know if it is real? And if it is, how do I talk to her about it without scaring her off? We're not that close to each other yet.
Hey, it's okay to question your sexual orientation. I don't know, but if you're not attracted to guys, then you might eventually identify as gay, but don't ever feel like you have to label yourself. You might someday, find yourself sexually attracted to women, and you may be questioning if you're gay or bi, but don't ever feel like you have to label yourself. I actually think it's kind of stressful on a person for them to feel like they have to label them self. And it's also okay if you don't know your sexual orientation for a while; if you discover that you're sexually attracted to women, you can just say you're attracted to women. If you do discover that you're only sexually attracted to women, and not to men, just be calm and accept yourself. I know it isn't easy, but you a stronger than you think and you can learn to love yourself.
Well, you've indicated that the moment you saw her you felt something. Maybe look into that a little more. I think you owe it to yourself to explore these feelings you have, and not explore it 20 years later. I've been exploring my attractions to older guys recently, and it is OK. Still don't know what to make of it, but at least I'm looking into it. Maybe you could do the same. Learn more about yourself, that's always a good thing. Out of curiosity, do you have anxiety? Many "what if" questions stem from anxiety, but I am certainly not implying that you do have anxiety, just trying to see if there's a connection. As for crushes and knowing if it feels real, I suppose you can never really know unless you take that first step, right? You could hang out with her more, that's always an option.
