Expanding my sexual orientation?

I think you're holding yourself back by saying it's impossible to change.

 

There's noting wrong with acting on your feelings. You sound afraid to. Afraid because you don't want to see yourself as anything other than straight. Jump out of that box. Explore. Have fun. Don't limit your orientation. Be, do whatever, whomever you want.

 

Well, rather than telling him if he's 100% straight or 99.9% straight, why not look at this in another angle.

I will note that gay fantasies/porn is simply not enough information to conclude his orientation. You'll need A HELL of a lot more than a couple sentences to conclude that he isn't straight.

Have you considered that he might not be gay? Even though he's had fantasies or watches porn about the same sex?

To OP: I've been using an app to communicate with guys and see how that's going to go. Some people want to experiment because they're open minded (or curious like you), while others will enclose themselves in a box. Some people need to experiment, while others just know. Understand that there is nothing wrong with having a different orientation.

 

Hey Pymander!

I'd like to let you see this:

I'm not sure how you interpret this, but to me it seems that you are not entirely straight. I disagree with Jax12's conclusion that you need a hell more information to conclude this. You've had ongoing fantasies, you'd like to try things but there is a lack of attraction you say. That's, in my honest opinion, enough to conclude you are not a Kinsey 0 [Exclusively heterosexual] (The Kinsey scale is a scale that tells the degree of hetero/homosexuality, from 0 to 6 and including an X [No socio-sexual contacts or reactions])

My advice is the same as FightingShadows, try to go for it. =) You might want to experiment, but you might also want to accept the possibility more. Perhaps you'll see it's not for you, but perhaps you'll see it's who you are.

Good luck! (*hug*)

 

Nowhere in the post did Chip say that OP is or might be gay, saying that somebody is not 100% straight does not mean that what is being said is equivalent to saying that the person is gay, neither does encouragement to act on same-sex desires.

I've read another answer that you've posted in response to Chips post and I get the impression that you feel a little bit... uncomfortable with the way he approaches issues and as a consequence you've read into his advice that he told OP he might be gay. But he did not.

I've been reading stuff on this forum for a while, including many of the old posts made by Chip and I must say that I've found his advice given to others immensely helpful to myself.
I've always felt that his posts were far from labelling people, and always allowed room for self-determination, certain flexibility and gave reader encouragement to find oneself.: eg. labels are for clothes, not people.

Sure, his post might be a bit skewed towards 'being gay', because this is his experience. Your experience might be different, in that you feel uncomfortable with some aspects of thoughts directed towards the same-sex, not just because it is a social taboo/you suffer from internalised homophobia, but because something about its nature causes you discomfort internally.

I am sure when Chip is speaking of difficulties that other gay or bisexual people experience with accepting their same-sex attractions, or responding to posts where people are obviously in denial he is not necessarily generalising to include your kind of experience, because you experience is a little bit different maybe?


@Pymander

I think there is not sense in 'expanding orientation': it is already expanded in that you are curious and fantasise about same sex!

In reality many people go for a long time without feeling strong sexual attraction to people, so I would not worry about it not being there if it stops you from experimenting.

It could be either suppression of sexual attraction, or just maybe that you get attracted to men in different ways than to women, so you don't notice it at the moment? Maybe it does not work at first glance? ( for some people it does not necessarily work at first glance either)

I would strongly suggest going out to a gay club and soaking up the atmosphere and letting yourself be attractive to other men, not even with the purpose to hook up, just to test the waters a bit. Even if you will not find anyone you are really attracted to you will still be able to get a little bit of a taste of how things could be and allow yourself to openly acknowledge same sex desires.

So: get out there!

good luck

 

You are correct, I am not a fan in how he address these things. You certainly do not have to say "You sound gay", but you can simply imply that just by how you word your sentences. Yes, I understand that he is speaking from a gay person's perspective, so technically speaking he is far more correct in terms of the stages of coming out because he's been through it.

However, like you said, since my experience is quite different, I see posts like this in a new light, and consider what if the individual was just simply questioning his orientation? We do not know anything about his past, so even with evidence like gay fantasies that point the individual towards gay, this cannot always be the case.

But with that said, in no way am I intentionally back lashing on his suggestions. They are quite helpful and have given me great advice, however I take a difference stance on people who question their orientation. I prefer giving people clarification on things rather than saying what I think based on their post.

 

There are two things you can do:

1. Have the same-sex experience
2. Do not have the same-sex experience

Then, you might like it, might not like it, might like it a bit (and so on)... Why do you fear that you might regret it? If it's not good, then you know. If it's good, then you know. You want to have the experience, then I'd recommend you to do so. =) If you won't do it, you might always be wondering about it..

 

I've found that I regret things more if it's something I wish I'd done than something I did.

 

Right. Don't spend your life wondering "what if?"

 

Yeah I've heard about that too, but don't jump right into it unless you are ready. I remember in the beginning when I wanted to try, I was worried I might regret it and it was something I had to stick with the rest of my life.

But then again if I did turn out to be gay, I didn't want to discover that 20 years down the road either. So I figured I should explore that other side of me soon.

It's funny because I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, and I'm not homophobic either. Yet, there's a problem with me being gay and these thoughts and desires that I have. Maybe I'm bi who knows.