Hello EC community, Some people want to see Mount Everest, others the Great Wall of China, me? Well, I just want to talk to someone and get even deeper into this fucked up head of mine :icon_bigg. Anyway, I haven't been getting many answers to some of the questions I have been pondering and still have not come-out to anyone yet. I think if someone asks me, "Hey dude, I know this is out of the blue, but are you gay". I would say "yes my good sir, and tis a gay morning to be gay aint that right my gay fellow." But, as unlikely as it sounds this conversation has not popped up. I was even considering winking at some dudes as a coming out haha. I build up a lot of tension knowing I haven't come out but then think what the hell would I do when I am out of the closet. Ask someone out!?! Psh please... and then I don't do it :eusa_doh:. So I think the next logical thing to do is to have someone tell me how to live my life haha. I just need to spill some stuff and vent to a real breathing living person, I tend to hide myself from friends and family keeping my inner thoughts secretive I told myself the best way to keep a secret is to not tell anyone. Plus I may be BiPolar and it runs in my family so that is a plus. Had some downs and ups with some manic cleaning moods that left me throwing away valuable supplies and then some shitty deppressed moods that prevented me from attending classes cause I didn;t want to get out of my bed. I tend to interpret this as laziness, conscious choice of thinking of the negative side of a subjectively intepreted universe, and see crying, letting out emotion, or seeking help to be weak minded. So hopefully I go tomorrow. P.S this is the first place I have recognized that I am bisexual and appreciate the supportive area and the stories shared that lead me into the lives of yall. It allowed me to perceive the equality and support within the community and that I am not a freak of nature that has a specific sexual attraction. Learned a lot about fluidity that helped me out.(&&&)
Ohw ! Poor little thing Given what you're going through, I also think that going to a therapist wouldn't be a bad idea. But don't misunderstand, a therapist will help you to find your way of living, he won't tell you how to live. Well, you seem not to think of it as that much of a bad thing. What I did during my "bi period" (it's specific to me, don't assume that you'll be gay for sure because of it) was that... I just didn't hide it. It's your sexuality, it ain't that much of matter, you don't have to tell people that you like girls... Well, the same goes for boys. Live your life peacefully, and if someone asks you: Tell him that yeah, you like boys too. You ain't hiding it, but it ain't a big part of you are. So don't overthink it ^^ Your real friends will stay beside you. I'll quote TwoWays' signature that says: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” You ain't only what your sexuality or gender is, there are thousands of things that make you yourself. Sexuality and gender are part of it. If you accept who you are, there shouldn't be any problem.
Seeing a therapist is a great idea. I've been seeing mine for 6 months now and things have started to improve. Sometimes, we can't do things all on our own, and so it's okay to ask for help.
that's a great decision. you will really find that it can help so much. but consider it as a 'test drive' the first session(s). If you don't click with the therapist, just get a different therapist, but don't give up on therapy.
I second this. You'll need to talk to someone that you can trust and that can understand you. You'll just know.
I picked a therapist by searching online (It honestly felt like car shopping ) I've had one meeting with her and she helped me come to terms with it (although made me even more confused, but hey, I'm on my way aren't I) I told my mom about my troubles figuring it out 2 months ago (before seeing a therapist) and after seeing a therapist once and waiting on it for 2 weeks, I told my brother. This is definitely something I'll keep in the family before I figure out where I lie! Although I have contemplated talking to other members of the LGBTQ community since my brother and sister both have close friends that are gay or bi. And I may also try to talk to one of the profs at my university about it (although this one seems less likely) Don't worry about it too much (I keep trying to tell myself this). what is, is. And you can't change it. Your friends, the important ones, will stick by you. I will leave you with another piece of advice that may or may not help you figure this out. When my therapist asked me what I invision my future. I then admitted that I had never really considered my life beyond University. And so I'm currently trying to work though my feelings and figure out whether I truly want to spend the rest of my life with a man or a woman. It's certainly not easy but I like to think of it as problem solving (I'm going to school for engineering, so everything has a process) You will get there! As will I. Give it some time. Think about it, don't dwell on it. You can do it!!!
First off I want to say is that if you think you are bipolar and that it runs in your family, you should definitely try to see a doctor and get that checked out if you have not already. Mania/depression can really mess with your head and when you are not psychologically well, it will make trying to confront with and determine your sexuality even more difficult and confusing. Last year I was diagnosed with bipolar and spent 2 weeks in the hospital because of a manic episode I was having. A few days though before going into the hospital when the mania started, I realized I was in love with one of my friends and it was the first time I consciously admitted to myself that I was probably bisexual... Talk about a scary trip. Mania can really twist your thinking and sometimes make you attracted to people you generally wouldn't be attracted to--at moments during my mania I had a really high sex drive and was really attracted to some guy friends as well that before my episode I never was attracted to before. I'm not saying you probably aren't bisexual or anything because only you can truly know that. As it turned out, after recovering and stabilizing I still realized that my feelings still were true for my friend and that I am in fact probably bisexual. Regardless, before you can really sort out your feelings and be comfortable with who you are, it's important to take care of your mental health. That's just my words of wisdom and personal experience, I wish you all the best!
