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I feel so lost...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by PunkRockKitten, Mar 6, 2015.

  1. PunkRockKitten

    Regular Member

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    So I've been trying to figure out my sexuality for a few years now (around four I think) and I still haven't come to a conclusion. Most of the advice online tells me to think about what I've been attracted to and how past relationships have gone, but I actually haven't experienced any of that. I've never kissed anyone, gone on a date, been hit on, flirted, or even held hands with someone in a romantic way. Everything is so confusing when you have nothing to go off of. It's difficult for me to even imagine what it'd be like to have feelings for someone because I've always considered romance to be out of the question for me.

    I've only very recently had my first crush, or I think it's a crush. I think I might like another girl, but I don't really know how I feel about her. I'm afraid that I don't really have romantic feelings for her and I just really wanted to be friends with her because she shares a lot of my interests. I mean I get nervous and jittery around her, but I have social anxiety so I feel like that around pretty much everyone. I'm friends with her now and everything was feeling more subdued, so I figured it had never really been a crush to begin with, but then she suggested we see a movie together and I just felt so happy. She didn't mean it like a date and I don't even know if I wanted her to.

    I'm sorry if all of that was more rant-y than informative, but could somebody please give me some useful advice? How can I tell if I really have a crush on this girl? How can I tell if I'm gay? Also, if anyone would be willing to share how they figured they were gay/bisexual/pansexual/etc. I'd really appreciate it as a sort of reference.

    Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!
     
  2. Jax12

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    Can't help you much when it comes to crushes and how do you know if you're gay because I'm actually having difficulty in that field as well. I can, however, help you with the anxiety part because I'm still going through it.

    Maybe it's time for you to go out there and see what you like, and of course in safe terms.

    I will warn you that anxiety has a funny way of making us question things that would seem ridiculous, so watch out for that. Until you manage/control you anxiety, it will be much more difficult to analyze your feelings.
     
  3. darkcomesoon

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    Usually when I get really excited to make plans with a new 'friend', it's actually a crush, even if I don't realize it right away. For me, there's a very clear difference between feeling happy about having a new friend and the excitement that comes with getting to know a crush. New friends make me happy, but crushes make me excited and nervous and I can feel butterflies in my stomach (it sounds cheesy, but that's seriously the best way I can think to describe it).

    The great thing about figuring out your sexuality is that it doesn't matter if you get it wrong on your first try. Just be patient and experiment when you get the chance. (When you experiment, make sure the person you're with knows you're still questioning.) If you think you're into girls but it turns out you're not, that's fine. You have plenty of time to decide what label actually fits.
     
  4. penta

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    The best advisei can giveyou is just to try it, a long time ago i met this boy who lived near me and we got along quite well.
    At that moment i was questioning my sexual preferences very much, i had a crush on a girl and also liked my friend very much. I had one advantage and that was that i knew he's gay.
    On one day i thought i had real feelings for him but i couldn't tell him (i'm pretty shy in that sort of things). Then one dayi took all my guts together and kissed him, it felt nice but i didn't getthat tingly feeling in my belly like i had when i kissed a girl before.
    After the kiss we talked about it of course and i told him how i felt.
    I found out that i found it very exciting to kiss him but i was not that much in love with him to start a relationship.
    In the end we stayed friends and felt really good, he learned me a lot about feelings and how to feel when it's right or not.
    by now i know i'm more in to girls but it took a long time to find that out, it just never felt the same when i had a crush on a boy or when it was at a girl.
     
  5. PunkRockKitten

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    Does it really not matter? I've always been afraid of people judging me for experimenting. I have a really big fear of being gossiped about and being judged by other people so I'm worried about giving others a reason to talk about me behind my back. And wouldn't people treat me differently if they thought I was lesbian? I wouldn't want my sexuality to ruin any of my relationships.

    I'm in high school by the way, so gossip and bullying is a very real threat to me right now. Kids can be really awful sometimes.
     
    #5 PunkRockKitten, Mar 8, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2015