Hi everyone. Sometime not long after I joined EC I broached this subject, and got a few responses that seemed either dismissive, or minimizing, of what I was experiencing / expressing. Even if I were not depressed and struggling to accept myself at present, I would like it if someone like myself could get the almost universal supportive attitude I see here, when folks disclose some of the most personal aspects of their lives. I could really use a bit of that right now. So if someone disagrees with what i'm saying in this topic, fine, but bear in mind this might not be your experience, but it is mine, and right now I could just use a bit of support. It's not easy for me to disclose this, or discuss this. I don't expect many can relate with this, based on what happened last time, but still, I'm putting this out here anyway, because there is no other Forum in which I feel safe to discuss this subject other than here. Only one person in real life knows about this, my trusted spiritual mentor of many years, who not only gave me validation, but support as well (as you might gather, he's a very eclectic, progressive and enlightened sort of person). I'm struggling with the fact that despite the fact that I generally find women more attractive than men, and consider that generally speaking they are prettier than men, that for some reason I feel very drawn and attracted to guys who are feminine in some way. Yes I know it's hard to define but can I just say, guys who are pretty, guys who are beautiful but not in a manly way, rather they have a kind of daintiness of form, rather than the more muscular, rugged form that lots of guys aspire to, or possess. All sorts of arguments run through my mind trying to explain this, and one that seems to actively cast doubt on it is this: "since you are attracted to the feminine, why not just go the whole way, and be with a woman? If you find yourself drawn to the feminine, and feminine characteristics even in males, why bother longing to experience being with a guy, even one you find attractive due to his effeminate appearance / aura / energy etc, when you could have that more intensely with a woman? Plus it's far easier to get a girlfriend in this society than a boyfriend. Why do you even bother with this bisexuality thing at all?" Can anyone see how this is difficult for me? I do meet guys like this from time to time, usually just while out on daily errands etc, and I must admit there is a strong pull towards them, and I can recall this happening for years, even back to my teens, although at that time I did not admit it to myself. It's hard to explain how one can feel attraction, but just bury it and pretend it's not there, but that's what i used to do. What I suspect might be going on, is that, as I read once in an article about androgynes, that I like guys who blur the distinction between male and female, by virtue of being male, but having female characteristics. This is such a personal thing for me to say here that I feel like it's a risk to do so. But we get all shades and varieties of sexuality here, do we not? And if mine is somewhat unusual, well I don't think I'm alone in being a bit left-of-centre here. Can I just say, this is part of who I am, and I like it, despite all the pain and struggle I'm going through with it? I also feel somewhat androgynous myself. I'm a guy, and I like that fact that I am, but I quite often feel like I slip between states of not quite identifying with being male or female, that I'm just...androgynous - and it feels pretty darn good at times - and this is really hard to explain, maybe some others will at least understand this one, from personal experience. If you are reading this last line you probably read the whole post, so thank you. Andy.
Hello Andy, I don't think there's anything weird about that. People have all kinds of preferences, we don't all have to be alike. My preferences are similar to yours. I'm fairly androgynous, male-leaning but not extremely masculine. My tastes have become less restrictive with age, but I still find people who are in the more androgynous area of the spectrum more attractive than people who are extremely masculine or feminine. For instance, I usually like men who are not extremely big or rugged, and I tend to prefer men with higher voices. I also prefer women who aren't "typically" feminine. What does it mean? I don't know ... it's just the way it is. When you're bi- or pansexual, it will always be easier to have a "straight" relationship, but I still find it's freeing to acknowledge and embrace my other side whether or not I ever have a Chance to act on it. Edited to add: You might want to try the Gender Identity Forum, there's a few people here who identify as Androgynous, Genderfluid, or Genderqueer.
Hi Andy! First off, it is not weird about you, everyone has different preferences when it comes to their idea of "the one". While I lean mostly/almost exclusively towards ahem... "tough masculine guys", I do often feel a bit androgynous from time to time but still do somewhat identify as a male.
