I am 21 years old, and I feel like I have been lying to myself my entire life. Men have always been something extremely interesting to me, but I never thought anything of it. I have always considered myself straight, but I have never felt anything with a girl. I have had numerous girlfriends, but none of the relationships lasted more than a few months because it just didn't feel right. I feel that I have been ignoring these feelings, that I may be gay, for a long time. I know my family isn't extremely knowledgable of the LGBT community, so it seems like they don't support any of it. I think that this, and the fact the a large part of society, does not accept it has caused me to push this away and learn to ignore it. I feel like I have always had a "crush" on some guys, but never thought of it in that way because I have been socialized not to accept it. Lately, I have been questioning my sexuality. I have had a number of guys interested but I denied them because I guess I just didn't want to accept the facts. I have never had any experiences with another guy, so it is intimidating to think about this. I feel like I need to talk to someone about it that is close to me, but at the same time it scares the crap out of me because I don't even know how to explain it. Any advice?
Well just recently, I experimented with a much older guy and I thought the whole experience was OK. It wasn't the best thing in the world, but at the same time it wasn't the worst either. I was in my mind for a while and now that I've finally experienced it, I feel a little more relieved. Some people need to experiment (me), while some people just know. My guess is that you already have what you need to decide on which label fits you the best, now you just have to figure out if it's true or not. You've said that you have numerous girlfriends and in general, it didn't feel right. You've also said that you had feelings/crushes on guys, but ignored it for many reasons. Maybe it's time for you to stop ignoring those feelings and start exploring those feelings. Better to explore it now than 20 years later. As a reminder, it was much tougher coming out decades ago. The world grows to be more accepting of LGBT+ individuals everyday because there are people to look up to, like Ellen DeGeneres and Ricky Martin. People begin to realize that between a gay/bi and straight individual, their orientation is no different than their tastes in music or food. It's just a part of who they are.
