I don't want to be a lesbian

Honestly I would be surprised if you spoke to a gay person who wanted to be gay. I'd say pretty much everyone here has gone through what you're going through now.

Eventually when it comes down to it, it's not going to change. The more you try to "fight against" it, the worse you will feel. There's not much that I can really say to help you as it's more of a personal journey. Over time you'll eventually accept yourself. And that's the important thing, accepting yourself.

For me I eventually realised that I didn't mind being me. I was gay, but oh well, might as well live being me rather than worrying about or trying to change something that wasn't going to change. Hell I even realised that I like liking guys. Once I stopped worrying about the fact I liked them, and wishing I didn't, and just accepted that I did it was much better.

So yeah. Over time it'll get better, you just have to learn to accept yourself.

 

Kaya, my heart goes out to you. I am quite sympathetic with your situation because I quite frankly don't want to be gay either. My reasons for this are largely spiritual in nature. Just know that you do have a choice, whatever you end up choosing. You can choose to simply not live your life according to your sexual inclinations. There is no shame at all in that. As dignified human beings, we get to choose whether to act on our impulses or deny them. Just because you feel a certain way does not mean such a feeling must become the focal point of who you are.

 

Just junping back in to say that thinking you have a choice, like Zane said, will just make you feel worse.

Whether or not you have sex will not change you being a lesbian. What would be the point in denying yourself sex or love? If you let your misery over being gay control you to the extent it denies you a life of happiness, it will make you feel terrible constantly. Love yourself, don't waste your time thinking you can't experience love or sex just because you are gay. And don't think that choosing to hurt yourself will change things, all it will do is make you feel miserable.

 

No. Being gay is difficult only in two cases:

- Coming out with family and friends;

- Living in a place in which a gay person could die for his/her sexual orientation.

You're from Malta, aren't you? So, let's exclude the second case.

Coming out with family and friends isn't simple and not everybody accepts their sons and daugther for their sexual orientation. But it isn't rare two parents do.

And don't believe that being straight is simple. It isn't. My sister is straight and has a lot of pressure about her boyfriend, her wedding and bull**hit like those from my family, expecially from my mother. Not to mention about her mother-in-law! :lol:

Let me say: being gay is cool. Because it's our nature. Pull stop.

 

Clay, how can you honestly say she doesn't have a choice? How is stripping someone of their freedom a good thing? We experience many powerful feelings in this life, and it would be truly disastrous if we were helplessly at the mercy of these impulses. We are more than that. We get to be more.

 

What type of choice do you refer? That she could "become" straight in the future?

 

I agree with you.

 

I'm not saying she should deny being a human being. I am merely alleging that choosing to indulge in any desire (sexual or otherwise) is a personal, conscious decision. If she sees value in denying an urge that comes seemingly naturally to her psyche, then who are we to fault her for living that way?

 

I know how you feel. You took the words right out of my mouth. I have lost count the number of times I have said that I don't want to be a lesbian. I don't want to make my life harder, I don't want to be alone.

You are not alone with this. If you want to talk I'm here.

 

Hi, Kaya5

First, I want to let you know that you're not alone. I was 19, when I first started questioning if I was gay (I had already come out as bisexual to everyone) and it was by far one of the hardest things I've experienced. I knew that there was nothing wrong with being gay, but I did not want to be gay. I didn't want to be different or seen as not "normal", but I've learned so much throughout the years that normalcy is just a figment of our imagination.

It's going to take time to accept who you are because it's still a struggle for me, but things are better than ever. So, things will get better as long as you embrace your true feelings.

 

It's a choice of whether you want love in your life or not.
If you never act on your feelings toward women you are never going to truly experience love. Do you love yourself enough to let yourself experience it? I hope you do and I hope you do not let anyone make you feel guilty for living as who you are. Just the thought of that makes me angry because no one has the right to take that away from you.

 

Sex and love are perfectly normal. They're great, in fact. At my bus station there's a statue of a couple embracing, not of anyone famous, just a statue of love.

Denying yourself a joy of life simply because you're gay is ridiculous. You have every right to experience those things.

Freedom isn't denying your feelings. Denying yourself the ability to experience love and sex. You're letting your emotions control you to the extent that you have to change your entire life to accommodate them, rather than accepting that they are part of you and you know what? It's alright to feel them. It's alright to be happy. It's alright to experience something the world celebrates.

Helpless is not the word to describe people who have learned to love themselves for who they are. Who have learned that they don't have to live their lives denying themselves love. If you say you're gay and that means you can never have sex or experience love for the rest of your life, that is the definition of being at the mercy of your impulses. It has overtaken your life so much that you're denying a normal, and fantastic, human experience for the entirety of your life.

 

I'm not letting emotions control me. I'm allowing God to have his way in my life by submitting it over to Him. I believe that by doing that, I will have peace. I'm not saying such a path is easy, but the best rewards of life seldom are achieved by taking the road of least resistance. I do not believe actively engaging in homosexual behavior is natural. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, and I respect your right to disagree with me and live whatever life you choose.

Kaya, I wish you nothing but peace and happiness in what you decide. I'm glad that you acknowledged the reality that we always have a choice. Knowing you have that choice is what gives you empowerment.

 

Perhaps if you don't know if the person follows your religious beliefs you shouldn't be telling them to never have sex or experience love. Bear in mind that not everyone lets a book dictate their life, and there's a delicate stage of the coming out process where being told to live a life of loneliness can be incredibly damaging to a persons psyche.

Telling people they deserve to be lonely, they deserve to unnecessarily and pointlessly restrict themselves from a joy of life, and that something that appears in nature is "unnatural", is not a message that we should be telling people. We need to tell people to accept and love themselves, not telling them to restrict themselves and try to call it "freedom".