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Is it possible to be demisexual with one gender and gay but VERY picky with the other

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Pmln3t, Mar 8, 2015.

  1. Pmln3t

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    I don't get sexually attracted to girls in general that I do not know or do not have a chance with, at all. I will get sexually attracted to a girl once I feel that a relationship is possible, though. I believe this makes me straight demisexual (?)

    HOWEVER, I do get sexually attracted to a very specific kind of guy regardless of if I know them or not. They have to be slightly overweight and have a physique that I can't quite explain. If they were to lose weight, I don't think I'd find their body sexually attractive at all. It's weird.

    Because guys are the only people I can think about to actually get aroused, I often tell myself that I'm gay. However, it really doesn't feel natural to me at all. If I could say I was gay with 100% certainty I would accept that. I just don't see myself that way. Even to call myself bisexual doesn't seem to fit because what kind of person is attracted to one weight, but if that person were to lose weight, wouldn't be attracted at all? What kind of crazy defense mechanisms have I built to fuck up my sexuality so much? I would love any kind of input because this is honestly starting to cause depression for me.
     
  2. ellyy

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    Re: Is it possible to be demisexual with one gender and gay but VERY picky with the o

    When I first started realizing my same sex attraction I felt as if I was only attracted to "masculine" girls. Looking back I think the reason for that was that I wasn't ready to fully accept my attraction to girls and a masculine girl was closer to a guy appearance wise, so it felt more comfortable for me to be attracted to them. I would also often envy girls for their appearance which made it difficult for me to feel sexually attracted to them. Now that has all changed and I find myself to be more attracted to girls who are more "feminine-looking".

    Maybe something similar is happening to you? You may think that you would be completely okay with being gay but I think that most of us, more or less, have internalized homophobia whether we consciously recognize it or not.
    So, you feeling like this may just be your way of getting used to your homosexual side.

    If you feel like you are demisexual with girls maybe you aren't actually attracted to them. Maybe you are just clinging to the idea that you're attracted to girls because, again, you might not be fully ready to accept yourself.

    I basically just explained my own experience and it may or may not apply to you. I definitely don't want to tell you that you are gay (or anything else for that matter) and I know I could be wrong about all of this but I hope it helps you at least a little.
     
  3. Jax12

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    Re: Is it possible to be demisexual with one gender and gay but VERY picky with the o

    I also am attracted to a certain guy looks, and has to have a certain physique to get me aroused. If not, they aren't attractive anymore. I know what I means to be gay/bi/straight, but I just don't know what all these thiughs or feelings mean. Lately my mind has been occupied by gay thoughts which leads me to believe I'm gay/bi, but my mind backfires.

    Not sure about you, but for me, having sex with a guy feels a off, like something is missing. If I knew I was gay and had feelings for guys, I would be questioning my orientation much differently...

    I can't look a girl and get a boner from it, that's just not me. But as I get to know them the sexual attraction starts and I get boners from holding their hands or thinking about them.
     
  4. Chip

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    Re: Is it possible to be demisexual with one gender and gay but VERY picky with the o

    To make things simple, I'd toss the "demisexual" label since it's not recognized and there's no credible basis for it. Instead of worrying about the label itself, perhaps it would be better to put your energy into simply understanding who you are and what your attractions are, without labels. My experience is that all of these unrecognized labels are rarely the labels people end up with anyway, so it's sort of pointless.

    Most commonly, what you describe comes as a process of fully accepting and understanding yourself. For most of us, there's some resistance to accepting the gay side of ourseives, and that can have a powerful effect on what we feel attraction to.

    Once we start to fully embrace the fact that we're not straight, and really be OK with it, usually, that has an effect on what our attractions are. You see a lot of people here saying, as they accept themselves, they find their attractions to same-sex growing, and their attractions to opposite-sex diminishing. OF course, that isn't always the case, but it's a good illustration of how our self-acceptance can impact our attractions.
     
  5. Batman

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    Re: Is it possible to be demisexual with one gender and gay but VERY picky with the o

    Theres nothing else to really be said. Chip's covered it all.