is aromantic a thing?

It is either you are too young and have not really got enough life experience to feel what love is, or that you are a apathetically narcissistic sociopath that is truly incapable of love in the scientific sense and find no pleasure from others' happiness, only considering them to be tools for relieving your sexual desires.

I think I prefer the first option.

Jokes aside (I hope that can be considered as a joke, I am bad at it) I probably need more information, since there are many factors that can warp a person's world view, like depression, trauma, or belief to name a few. All of which can really screw up how they see themselves and their relationship with other people which might lead you to think that you are not able to love anyone romantically.

 

I guess yes. If there are asexual people, aromantic people must also exist too, seeing as romantic orientation is a scale like sexuality. That doesn't mean you are aromantic though.

I haven't fallen in love either yet and I'm 22, so hang in there.

 

Aromantic is certainly a thing! Romantic orientation and sexual orientation are completely separate things that evolved for entirely different reasons so it's totally possible to be attracted to someone sexually but not romantically. It is true however, that you could just be too young and inexperienced. Most people don't fall in love with another person until they've been dating for a while. And RainDreamer is right about trauma factoring in. I can tell you from experience that depression, anxiety, and self-hatred can really fuck up someone's viewpoint of relationships. Also, I've known people who had trouble maintaining healthy romantic relationships because the adults that they grew up with had these problems. If you're struggling with any sort of trauma or mental illness I would recommend that you at least start to take steps in overcoming it before you make decisions on whether or not you're aromantic.

 

Where are people getting their information from? I think crushes or any kind of attraction based on the sex of the other person would fall under sexual orientation. I can't seem to find literature on romantic attraction that clearly defines it and shows that it is actually an orientation.

 

You are not aromantic. That is extremely rare and if you truly were you wouldn't be asking. Love just hasn't happened to you yet. It can take a while. I didn't fall in love until I was 24. Before that I thought I knew what love was because I had been very attached to some people. Then when I did first fall in love it was like WHAM, I had no idea it would be so strong. It still strikes me as a strange thing. It pulls on you so it feels like it's outside of you but at the same time it changes you too so it feels like it completely encompasses you. It's a blessing and a curse. You are definitely better off that it hasn't happened to you yet. Owning yourself before falling in love is a good thing. Keeps you grounded. So keep dating and keep assuming it will happen to you one day, which it will. Don't worry about it. Have fun in the mean time.

 

Aromanticism is a thing, but it doesn't mean that you're unable to love anyone. You may or may not be aromantic, and while it may be because you are too young, try to think about it realistically. Some gay people have never had sex with anyone that wasn't their own gender, yet, they know for sure that they are gay. This is the same concept.

There's probably not much on it because it's not as well known. The attraction you feel towards others doesn't always fall under sexual orientation, because sexual orientation is based of who you feel sexually attracted to. Asexual people are usually the ones who use romantic orientations, usually because their orientations will never match up, but sexual people can too. I'm homosexual, but biromantic. This just means that I am only sexually attracted to men, but can date anyone. It's not a problem for me, personally, because I can be happy without sexual relations and having one is simply a bonus to me, but others do struggle with having differing orientations because sexual relations is important to them as well, especially those who are heteromantic homosexuals or homoromantic heterosexuals.

 

I don't assign myself a romantic orientation. I feel that sex-based romantic feelings are a form of sexual attraction and are incorporated into my sexual orientation. And non-sexual based romantic feelings are just a form of Platonic attraction which includes the desire for companionship or a replacement father or mother figure.

 

I wouldn't exactly kiss or cuddle my parents like I would do to a lover, and I wouldn't do it with my platonic friends either. I do see your point, and I still disagree, but that would be my opinion and that will be yours.

That and the fact I'm afraid to derail this thread. Sorry, OP. =0

 

Heyy,

Aromantic is a real thing, I'm sure. I'm 18, and I had strong platonic feelings, but I have never felt romantically attracted to someone. It's not rare, I know a few aromantic people, and they just hide in the shadows because they are afraid to be seen as cold or heartless. But you are young, and there is a possibility you just haven't found a right person, some people fall in love fast, for some people it takes time.

 

^^^
Aromanticism is an entirely legitimate thing and a valid identity. It is true that with romantic attraction there is a grey area from factors such as age, past experiences, mental state and health, and the way your view yourself. But that doesn't undermine your ability to identify as aromantic.

We (unfortunately) live in a world that is relationship centered, and while everyone is constantly focusing on and marketing sexuality, in most all cases it is assumed people will 'eventually settle down' get married, have kids, etc. Basically, have a lot of sex, then fall in love with someone and only have sex with them. Not only are such viewpoints harmful to people who ARE sexually and romantically attracted to others, it can be confusing to those who haven't/rarely experience those forms of attraction. Most if not all asexual/aromantic experiences involve someone believing they are 'broken' at one point- because from a young age we are basically told that wanting to have sex with someone/be in love with someone is 'only human', so if you don't, does that make you 'not human'?

I'm not going to make a huge social commentary out of this, though, because that's not the point, haha. I'm just here to tell you that yes, it is a thing, and it's nothing to worry yourself over.

Is it possible it's just that you're young and you haven't fallen in love yet? Yes. Is it possible you may never end up falling in love with someone? Yes. Is it possible you will mostly not be romantically attracted to people, but might fall in love once or twice? Yes. You shouldn't restrict your identity. Just as it is possible for someone to identify as gay their whole life but be attracted to the opposite sex once, it is possible to identify as aromantic but maybe end up having a romantic crush. It's not a do-or-die thing, no part of your identity is- you don't have to sit down and definitively say 'I am aromantic' and then never think about it again and force yourself to fit into the label.

Basically, if you feel you have not been romantically attracted to anyone before and you want to identify as aromantic and you feel as if that describes you, go ahead! Just because you're not romantically attracted to people doesn't mean you can't have fulfilling sexual or platonic relationships. A lot of aromantic people experience intense platonic attraction to people- something that's more than just friends but not quite romantic. This can lead to queerplatonic relationships- which are different for everyone, and which people who do experience romantic attraction can have too (this little post explains it fairly well).

This was a wall of text…. TL;DR, yes, aromanticism is a thing, no, it doesn't make you any less 'normal', and even though you may be romantically attracted to someone in the future, it doesn't mean you can't identify as aromantic right now. Hope this helped even a little bit!

(p.s. this tumblr is p cute and might help a bit)

 

Yup, it's a real thing!