I've thought about this all day, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am starting to accept the fact that I am, indeed, a homosexual. However, I am also a heteroromantic who could also be biromantic. It is likelier for me to have romantic feelings for girls than guys though. And I cannot say that I'm "100% homosexual." If I were, I would imagine myself sleeping with guys. And, while I've had brief sexual infatuations with guys, I've never imagined myself sleeping with one. It's hard for me to imagine myself sleeping with others unless there's a romantic attachment. I'm happily starting to connect the dots, although there is an exception that might be even rarer than this combination alone. I think I could also become heterosexual, but my mind requires a prerequisite. I need to have romantic feelings for girls to get to that stage, and I don't mean to say this in bashing homosexuality. I literally never wanted to sleep with a guy, even thinking the same as I am accepting my complex sexual-romantic blend. The thought never fancied me. And I say this because it's happened before, I was attracted to this girl a few years back. I had romantic feelings which then translated to sexual attraction - I was upset when learning she didn't feel the same, so both the sexual and romantic attraction vanished. I've felt the same for other girls and felt sexually turned on by then when having these romantic feelings. I also imagined sleeping with them, although this doesn't happen often. But I can't simply get sexually attracted to them without that. And with guys, I tend to have a more "casual" attitude with them - naturally getting turned on by them just by looking at them. But romantically I tend to naturally ignore them while being romantically-sexually attracted to a girl. My feelings for them are much more brief compared to that of a girl's. Would you say that my romantic feelings for girls, if powerful enough, can naturally "transform" me into a "particular heterosexual" while being "casually homosexual" and not really seeing them in a romantic way? It has happened to an extent before. Or am I in "denial" without knowing it? Seriously though, I am not ashamed of anything or disgusted at all. It's what I've literally thought all along.
I would like to point out that a gay guy (or mostly gay) wouldn't have feelings for girls. If they did, then identifying as gay wouldn't make sense to them in the first place. In addition, you also have sexual attractions to girls so I question your conclusion to identify as gay. From what you provided, you have attractions to both sexes which sounds like bisexual more than anything else. A mostly straight or predominantly straight guy would not have feelings for guys (more applicable in my case). A person in denial would be rejecting the idea that they are a particular orientation, which I do not sense in your post. With that said, In no way am I enforcing a label on you, nor am I attempting to put you in a box where you don't fit. If you feel that hetero-romantic homosexual feels true to you, then that's great. Another question to ask is are you able to see yourself dating both girls and guys? At this point, it seems that there are attractions to both sexes, but which sex you lean towards more is another question.
