There was something I remembered recently from when I was younger that kind of made me think more about my sexuality and if the whole "me liking girls" thing has always been there. I had this puzzle game for play station where you could play against a friend and race to build a jigsaw puzzle. I remember that there lots of different pictures that you could puzzle together but I would only pick the select five that consisted of nearly half naked anime girls and I'd play it for hours only playing with those puzzles. And I remember my friends thinking that it was really weird... but I remember really liking the idea of an almost naked female body when I was like 9... I just remembered this the other day and thought it was so interesting. Does anybody have any not-so-straight childhood memories?
I have alot of not so straight childhood memories. But you have to realize that when you are in a panic about thinking about things like this, you start to overanalyze every single thing in your past or childhood to search for "evidence". Gay people wouldnt be searching their past for an answer, they would know their answer now and just happen to find similarities in their childhood that match up. I do have some not so straight memories. When i was really young, my extended family was at the beach. And from the way i was sitting i could see up the shorts of the dad of a family friend. I couldnt see anything except for hair, which made me want to look more. I dont know if that means anything about my sexual orientation, no matter how much i obssesivly grasp at it to find meaning to it trying to prove something. This could have simply me being a young boy curious about seeing what a man looked like down there, having so much hair and me having none. But with the state of my mind now, i was looking everywhere, desprately trying to connect dots to pictures that might not even exist. So what i would advise, is to try and stop looking into your past. Because the past can easily be mistrewn, and its meaning misinterpreted, or even assigned a meaning when there is none, by you now. You have to focus on the now and do non destructive thinking (like childhood digging), in order to move foward and let yourself be in a clear state of mind to figure it out. But to answer your questions no your not the only one. they only have meaning if you make it have meaning.
Oh, yes. When I was 8, I had a dream in which I kissed one of my friends from art class. After that dream I developed a crush on her and even told her that I think she is the prettiest girl in the entire school and that I would kiss her if I was a boy. She said it was sweet that I said that. :eek: At around the same time, I decided I was going to marry one of my Barbies so I did. And then I would put her in bed next to me and pretend she was my wife and I would kiss her and be frustrated that her lips were so small LOL. I decided that I would be married to her until I was 18 and old enough to find a HUSBAND in real life. :roflmao: I told one of my friends that she should marry one of her Barbies as well and she just looked at me like I was weird. When I was 9, I totally fell in love with one of my best friends. She would walk around our neigjhorbood in shorts and a bikini top in the summer and I would always walk behind her just so I could see her back without her noticing that I was staring at her. One day she told me she washes her hair every day because she likes the feeling or water running down her back. After that, all I could think about was me washing her hair and watching the water run down her back... and one day I convinced her to play a game with me where I was a boy named Jamie and I was in love with her and wanted to date her so I would take her out on a date. She went along with it and I got money from my dad to take her to the pizzeria down the street and we would play pretend and talk to each other like I was a boy and she was a girl. I would compliment her on how beautiful she is and she would act all giggly and stuff. Then we walked around town like we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I totally enjoyed it.. but for her it was just a game. I was 9! Also at that age, there was this TV show with this girl in it and I had a dream in which I was kissing her (a kissing dream again!) and it seemed so real and so I developed a crush on this girl as well and I was COMPLETELY MADLY in love with her, LOL. I would daydream about her all day and I decided that when I grow up I would somehow need to become a boy so that I could have a girlfriend like her. I was so frustrated because I kept trying to think of ways I could magically become a boy and couldn't think of how and I was so sad and devastated for weeks cause I thought I could never have a girlfriend if I was a girl. Obviously I didn't know that girls could like girls. I was madly in love with Britney Spears from ages 10-12, I mean awfully in love with her. I recently found letters I sent to my friend when I was 11, in which I said things like 'I love Britney so much, she is my everything, she is my world... I would do anything just to hold her in my arms once' and 'Sometimes I think I'm in love with her but then I realize this is much more than love' and 'I would be so happy if I got stuck on a desert island with her.. I could spend the rest of my life with her' I would also ask boys whether they thought a certain girl was pretty and when they said no I was like WTF SHE IS GORGEOUS!!! And this one time one of them said 'You lesbian!' I was SO offended :roflmao: But yeah, my mom has been asking if I was a lesbian since I was 11, she started becoming suspicious because of my obsession with Britney and other people in elementary school asked me whether I was a lesbian for the same reason... Also, in the Sims, I would get the girls to fall in love with each other... I kissed a girl for the first time when I was 11 and realized I was gay when I was 12.
