Hey! I'm trying to figure out my sexual orientation and it would be really great if I could get some guidance. Here's my story: I'm a sixteen yo girl. I've been depressed for a long time, so I never had the "normal" sexual development and exploration in my tweens that most people have. Depression killed my desire for sex, while antidepressants killed my libido. For a while, I thought I was asesual, until I had sexual feelings for my female best friend this year. It scared me, but what I feel for her is so amazing and special and new. I think I have a preference for women, but I do find some male celebrities cute. I don't know if I am sexually attracted to guys or not, idk??? I don't know whether to identify as lesbian or bisexual. It's hard to figure out my orientation, since I don't have sexual feelings for people very often. I almost never look at someone and think, "I'd do them." I think I'm gay. All of my friends are queer, and I seem to be drawn to queer-focused events. And girls are just prettier than guys in my opinion :icon_redf but it's so hard to know! I've only been seriously sexually attracted to about two people, tops. And that's after knowing them for over a year. They were both female, but I feel like there is a possibility that I might be sexually attracted to guys in the future, even though it hasn't happened yet. Do I sound gay? Bisexual? Demisexual?
You mentioned that you felt like there was a possibility that you may be sexually attracted to guys in the future, so I think you should go with that. Just because you have not felt it yet does not mean it can't happen. Personally, I identify as homosexual, even if I have never experienced sexual attraction before, because I feel as if it's possible. It's sort of like how some people know they're gay even if they have never actually had sex with someone of their own gender. You know? Having that said, labels aren't set in stone, so you can change it if you ever feel like it doesn't fit anymore, and it's your call, so if you feel like it's more comfortable or more accurate to say that you're gay, then you should do that instead. You can be both demisexual and bi/gay, by the way. It's like a secondary orientation. =D
i would say youre a bi-romantic demisexual. me, im pan-romantic demisexual (but its just easier to explain to ppl what pansexuality is than to explain pan-romantic demisuality) there are so many identifications that i find it beautiful c: i would consider you bi-romantic demisexual, but its who YOU classify yourself as. c:
I would say you need more time to figure it out so I would avoid labels for a few years, you are young and only just starting to learn who u are attracted to
It's highly unlikely you're demisexual, given the history, and there's no credible evidence for any separation between romantic and sexual orientation. While people are absolutely free to choose whatever labels work for them, it's been my experience (matched by an awful lot of clinicians) that the unrecognized labels are usually not terribly helpful. One thing that you have to look at is where things are with the depression and medications. If there's still depression going on, it's absolutely going to make it difficult to make a meaningful judgment about your orientation. Likewise, if you're on an SSRI antidepressant, it is likely to both affect your libido as well as clarity about orientation if that was confused going in. Are you seeing a therapist? Is it one familiar with LGBT issues? These sorts of things are complicated enough without the addition of the medication and depression, and those factors just add to the complexity. If your therapist believes that it's possible you'll be able to get off the medications, once you're completely clear of them (usually 3-6 months), it will likely start to get a lot clearer. As much as it may not be what you want to hear, in between now and then... just do your best to be OK with not knowing, exploring your feelings, and seeing where they take you.
