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How do I get experience!?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Itsasecretx, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. Itsasecretx

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    I'm 99.9% sure I'm Lesbian.. But as some say, you aren't until you've had sex with another girl!

    I'm really struggling with "coming out" and only told a few close friends.. and I really want to know for sure, and get the experience before I come out.
    But I'm actually extremely shy when it comes to touch and romantic gesture.. etcetera
    And its not like I'm about to throw myself at some girl.. or meet someone from a dating site you know? (*hug*)
    I've had crushes before but on straight girls.. and obviously there's no chance there.
    Ahhh.

    How did your "first" come around?
    Did it confirm for you that you were Lesbian?

    What do I do?
     
  2. Itsasecretx

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  3. Lyana

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    Well, whoever says that is full of...
    I mean, would anyone ever say, "You're not really straight until you've had sex with the opposite sex?" Ugh.

    It's definitely possible to know your sexuality for sure without having experience for experience's sake. I knew when I got a crush on a girl, plain and simple. I experienced sexual and romantic attraction for a girl, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl, so I knew I wasn't straight. I don't think you sound straight, either.

    My first kiss and a little bit more with a girl happened naturally -- she was a girl I was attracted to. I'm not sure going looking for experience is such a great idea. If there's no spark and you only want experience, you may end up not liking it as much as you thought you would, and that wouldn't be conclusive.
     
  4. Itsasecretx

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    I've heard so many people say that someone isn't gay until they have had experience. But the fact I find guys almost repulsive and girls extremely attractive, im pretty sure I am gay.


    Makes sense.. I guess im not exactly looking for it...
    But I just feel frustrated. I want someone to come along that I really adore, that adores me...
    But I just fall for older women (10-20 years older) that are straight.


    By the way- Doctor who is basically the single most awesome show in the world.
     
  5. Ninagrrl

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    As someone who came out later in life, I have more experience with sex with men. That being said, I have been with women just for the sake of someone to be with and not out of any real attraction/connection. It likely wouldn't help you to just go find someone that you even have lukewarm feelings for because it really doesn't explore your particular brand of attraction. Sex with women I wasn't really into was only mildly better than sex with men and I kinda took my first real experience away from myself. Don't rush it, it'll happen all on it's own and you'll be glad you waited.
     
  6. guitar

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    I already knew I was gay before doing anything with a guy, but what being with a guy did confirm was it never felt "off" the way it did when I was with girls. So in a way it was validation.

    Dating sites *could* be a way for you to meet people. Either that or check out an lgbt support/student group. You can just say you're there as an ally.

    For me, I got my first experiences by coming out to a friend who had told me he was gay. He was the first person I thought to tell & rest the waters with. We admitted to each other we were attracted to one another and the test is history...
     
  7. Lyana

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    I understand your frustration.(*hug*) But I imagine you're not that old. Don't lose hope and don't let anyone tell you what your sexuality is.

    (And yes, it is.)
     
  8. Itsasecretx

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    No I'm only 20 years... so yeah I am young I guess.

    Im pretty sure I am Lesbian.. it would just be nice to have some clarity x
    I'm sure someone will come around soon ... I hope :slight_smile:
     
  9. medomedo

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    I think you should not feel pressured to live up to who you THINK you are. You know who you are, do not rush yourself. I find all too often that straight people do not really understand - they think you need to try things out to know who you are. Did they know they were straight before they had sex? Yes. Did they need to experiment with both sexes to know they were straight? No.

    I'm in a similar situation. I feel rushed to come to a conclusion about who I am. And I shouldn't, neither should you. Rant over
     
  10. paris

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    Just start making more lgbt friends, the rest will come. :icon_wink
     
  11. Emily1

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    Maybe coming out first is a good idea. This way girls can come to you. You would be surprised at how many people around you are closeted. If you show confidence in yourself, other lgbt people may come to confide in you about their sexuality. I don't know how likely it is that this will work but just a suggestion!
     
  12. Fallingdown7

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    You don't need to have sex to know what your sexuality is. I've been out as a lesbian for 10 years and I've never had sex with anyone...not even a kiss.

    And think of it this way. What if a lesbian has sex with a woman and she hates it? Does that mean she's not a lesbian? There are so many variables into play; Sometimes the person isn't your type, sometimes she's just plain bad in bed, and some gay people need an emotional connection and a long-term relationship for sex to be enjoyable at all.

    Most lesbians on this site have also had sex with men. Many have even enjoyed it. But it doesn't make them into men.

    What about all the straight women who have never had sex with a man? What about all the straight women that LOVE having sex with women and continue to call themselves straight?

    Sexuality doesn't work in the way that 'I'll have sex with you and decide that I'm attracted to you'. It works in the 'I'm attracted to this gender which is WHY I want sex with them' way.

    And while experimenting to discover who you are isn't wrong necessarily, you also have to be really careful while doing so because you can hurt people and play with their emotions. I think if It's just sex, straight women actually are your best bet because many enjoy having sex with women with no strings attached.

    But remember that you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. And even if you have sex with women, straight people will tell you that you can't know you're a lesbian until you give men a shot. And if you sleep with men and dislike it, straight people will still tell you you don't know you're a lesbian until you sleep with every single walking guy on this planet. Basically lesbian sexuality is not "valid" and no matter what you do, you can't be a 'real' lesbian or please anyone anyway.