After a thorough analysis of my sexual fantasies I realized that I eroticized dominant, abusive bullies, in order to relieve the pain!? Does this make any sense? I exhausted my attraction through this... The men I was or still am attracted to were in my eyes masculine when they were foul-mouthed, aggressive, dominant and in charge... But after I figured this out and after I sort-of adopted a more masculine role in my life, my attraction for men dwindled... I am not that attracted anymore... Maybe I am suppressing things, but in reality there is nothing that turns me on at men... I see women differently now (after going through a journey of self-discovery and coming out to my friends) and although I am not always thinking about women, I think my sexuality has def. changed. Now after getting so rational about all this I think I reached some kind of asexuality... It is very bizzare and strange, and maybe I am making things out... To sum up, were I attracted to men because of lacking something manly, and now when I want to be a powerful man dominating a woman, my sexuality changed? But in the grand scheme of things, this doesn't make any sense. Because there are masculine gays, and there are all kinds of gays that came out and changed psychologically, but their sexuality remained the same? So am I lying to myself!? Am I just confused?
I would say confused. I would talk more, preferably with a professional therapist, but on here seems to help some. Explore your thoughts and desires in a safe way. I know the type of person I'm interested in has changed, but not the fact that I'm attracted to, want to date, want to be intimate, and want to be romantically involved with anyone who is as into me as I'm into them. Man, woman, other, extra-terrestrial sentient beings... There are all types of people, period.
