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Am I a Lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by beautifulbliss, Mar 17, 2015.

  1. beautifulbliss

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    Okay, I am very new to this and I just needed a place to vent. I guess I just need some help. Sorry if it is a little bit long.

    I am currently 18 and it all started back in December of 2014. I was on tumblr going through my blog like normal until I saw this picture (Below) . I read the whole thing and I couldn't read one of the numbers, it said I had latent homosexuality. For some reason that really freaked me out and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. It has even given me some anxiety. And I already know the picture is fake, but I still can't stop thinking about it.

    For me at least, I always thought that I was straight. I can remember having crushes on guys since 2nd or 3rd grade. Whenever I was around my crush my heart would always beat faster and I would feel really nervous. From what I can remember I never felt "different." I really only felt different from other people is when it came to weight. I was always a little bigger than the other girls. I never felt out of place when my friends were talking about cute guys, until now...until I saw that picture. I still find guys attractive, but I feel nothing. I feel nothing for girls as well. It's like that picture desensitized me

    I've always been pretty shy so I've never actually had a boyfriend. I've only been asked out once and it was some random guy that I never knew. At the time, I was so happy that I got asked out because it had never happened before. Even before I actually went on the date, I kept making up scenarios that we would start dating and he would be my first boyfriend. We went on a few dates, but I decided to break it off. I always felt nervous around him, like something was off. I thought it was because I never actually knew the guy before, I never had been asked out before, and I've never been in a relationship before. But I did want to kiss him, even though we never did. But guys in general don't make me nervous, unless I think they are cute or I think they like me. I am perfectly fine being around them.

    And when it came to my crushes, I never really thought about sleeping with them (when I was younger). I always thought about getting married to them or having a family. Now that I am older I do think about sleeping with certain guys and I am not opposed to it or anything. And that goes for celebrities too! I only had crushes on male celebrities as far as I can remember.

    When it comes to girls, I've always "checked" them out in a way. It probably started around middle school. I've always looked at girls, but never in a sexual way (or at least I think). I would usually look at their smiles, hair, bodies, boobs, or butts. I would find them pretty, but I wasn't attracted to them. Whenever I am around girls, I've never had overwhelming sensation or chills. I don't even like to hold my friends hands, I think its super awkward. I just like to look at them, kind of like admiration. Girls are pretty and I get that. I've never had the urge to kiss or sleep with any girl either. I like to hang out and look at girls, but I would never go as far as sleeping with one. Does that make sense?

    I just don't know any more, I have so much doubt. I just never really thought about being a lesbian before. I have friends who are gay/bi/lesbian/etc and I fully support them. I have no problem with it, but I just never thought that I may be. I think my problem may just be my doubt...? Anything thing would help! I am sorry if I sound like one of those people looking for attention, its just been plaguing me for 3 months. Thank you.

    (The picture)
    [​IMG]
     
  2. Aeolia

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    Well, you sound straight to me... To be doubtful about one's orientation is quite common. You said it yourself, you aren't attracted by girls, you just admire them (And I do too, even though I'm a male every time I see a cute girl I'm like: Damn ! I wish I was that cute).

    You just need to calm down and chill, calm down and see for yourself. We're in an age during which we're looking for who we are, and wondering about your orientation is really normal. If you need to talk or whatever, go ahead and leave a message on my wall :wink:

    BTW: I had to look very closely for the number 5, and even though I suppose that it's a 86, I still can't be sure... Is there even a real number in there ?
     
  3. ellyy

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    Okay, those pictures are for people who are colorblind and as far as I can see (I'm not colorblind) number 5 doesn't even have a number in it. Whoever made that was most likely trolling. So just forget about the stupid picture and look at your own feelings which is what's most important.

    Based solely on what you've written it sounds, to me, like you are either straight or possibly bisexual. But that is ultimately nothing to go by because feelings can be very complex and I, of course, don't live in your head.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem like a person who might become very obsessive about your sexuality so I'd highly advise you to not think about it too much and just accept your feelings as they come.

    But I'm going to ask you: are you sexually and romantically attracted to guys? And, are you sexually and romantically attracted to girls?
     
  4. beautifulbliss

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    Thank you for replying!

    And...I do believe that you are right about the obsessive thoughts idea. I've noticed that I do dwell on certain things a little too much. I just get so caught up my head, thinking of every possible scenario.

    As far as I know, I've only had romantic feelings towards men. I guess that I just need to realize and accept that I do like girls to a certain level and there is nothing wrong with that.
     
  5. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    thanks for your comment ellyy. I was wondering if this was some kind of joke or something. I'm not colorblind, but I couldn't find the number in #5.
     
  6. ellyy

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    I just want to point out that thinking a girl is pretty and admiring their bodies does not mean that you are attracted to them. Of course it's up to you to decide how you feel but I just need to tell you that it's very common for girls to admire other girls' looks and to find them very aesthetically pleasing, but the sexual element has to be there as well. From what you said it didn't sound like you are sexually attracted to girls, or maybe you are and you just haven't realized it yet.

    I was also very confused at first when I couldn't see if there was a number in #5. For a second I thought I had gone colorblind. But just knowing that it's from tumblr says a lot..
     
  7. blueberrykisses

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    LMAO are you serious? That picture is clearly a joke, as others have said, there is no number in #5. Or maybe we just don't see it cause we're all gay as hell on here. :grin:DDD

    ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2015 at 09:04 AM ----------

    If you've never had romantic or sexual feelings towards girls then what makes you think you are anything other than straight though? Looking at girls and admiring them or thinking they're pretty doesn't make you not straight. Every woman looks at other women because girls are nice to look at no matter your sexual orientation. Even gay males will tell you girls are nice to look at. That doesn't mean there is any sexual/romantic attraction there.

    If you cannot see yourself having sex with and/or marrying a woman, you are straight.