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bi or gay in denial?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Kamy, Mar 19, 2015.

  1. Kamy

    Kamy Guest

    I'm sure you have this kind of discussion daily and I'm sorry for being repetitive, but I can't help it.

    I'm a 25 years old girl and confused as sh*t. I've been struggling with my sexuality for almost 7 years now.

    When I was younger, I was a typical teenage girl. The thing is, all my friends were fixated on boys, but I couldn't care less about them. With time, I began to make up boys' crushes, so I wouldn't feel left out, but when those boys began to reciprocate, I always lost interest.

    I had a particular girl friend that I felt annoyed when she kept talking about her crush. With time, I began to notice that my annoyance could be actually jealousy, and things began to make a little more sense to me.

    That was when I began to feel sexually attracted to girls. I was constantly dazzled by this friend of mine who had beautiful hair and skin. When she talked to me, I felt hot and nervous. Yeah... pretty clear... I know.

    I was starting to accept the fact that I might be a lesbian. But then... I met this guy.

    We were really good friends, but he always said he wanted more. Eventually, scared by the fact that I never had an crush on a guy, I said yes. After a few months going out with him, I finally began to like him.

    That lasted for about two years, until I started to have those feelings for girls again, but never for a guy. We are still dating (5 years now :tears:slight_smile: and I can't find the courage to break up, because he's my best friend in the world and I don't think he will want me around anymore.

    Besides, though it's clear that I'm attracted to girls, I'm not sure I'm a lesbian. Do you think a girl can be so in denial about her sexuality that she actually believes she loves a guy for more than two years?

    Or maybe he was an exception for me, wich makes me kind of bi? :bang:

    I'm sorry for the long post... I'm not really expecting answers, I just wanted to talk about it :icon_sad:
     
  2. mapleluv

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    Long story short- yes. I'm around your age & you're certainly not alone love.

    I dated & lived with my (male) ex-fiance for 5 years. Then I slept with a woman (2 weeks before I was supposed to be getting married, mind you) & realized that I was a lesbian. Really, I was just about as surprised about it as everyone else was.

    I did (& still do) love my ex. He's still my best friend in the whole wide world. But I don't love him in the way people love their romantic life partners. However, I didn't fully realize that when I was with him because I'd never experienced anything different.

    So please, don't do what I did! Take a break from your boyfriend to explore your sexuality. Who really knows what you'll find out, but you owe it to him (& to yourself) to explore that aspect of yourself before taking things any further with him.
     
  3. Fandom obsessed

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    Sometimes it takes awhile to figure it out :slight_smile:
     
  4. cloudberry

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    Hey,

    I just wanted to tell you that I'm in a pretty similar situation... I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now, even though I've been periodically doubting my sexuality and this whole relationship from the beginning, and I thought that I liked girls long before we started going out. I still don't really think I'm 100% gay, but I do feel like I lean more that way and I can't really get the thought about wanting to be with a girl out of my head.

    I've thought about breaking up so many times throughout the years, but never had the courage to go through with it, because like you also said, he's really my best friend and an amazing person and the thought of not having him in my life at all scares me shitless. When you've been with someone for a long time it just becomes hard to imagine life without them even if things aren't that great. But the longer you are in that relationship the more hard it will become to end things... Now I'm kind of at a point where I know that this can't go on and this time we're really going to break up. We're currently long-distance though, so I have to wait until April when I will be visiting him, although we have already kind of talked about it over skype and we've already started taking some distance from each other... Right now I feel weirdly ok about it as I'm just shutting out all the doubt, because I know if i let the doubt back in I'll be back in that never ending cycle.

    If you've already made up your mind about ending the relationship (which it kind of sounds like you have though i may be wrong?) I guess what you really have to do now is "just" to work up the courage to have that conversation with him... And I don't really know if there's a way to make that easier... :/ It's horrible to know that you're hurting someone you love, even if you KNOW that in the end it will hurt you both more to stay together. I hope you have someone you can talk with about this with though. I think talking to my friend about it made me feel more sure that I was actually making the right decision... and it helps if you know you will have someone there to support you after the break-up.

    At this point I also don't think it matters that much whether you're bi or a lesbian in my opinion (though it does sound like you're more interested in girls), because the main question is if you're happy in this relationship. Because if you're not, I don't really think your sexuality changes things. For me the thought of breaking up has caused me to question myself to point where it sometimes drives me crazy, because I guess I have this thought at the back of my head that if I'm bi then maybe I'm giving up too easily on this relationship and we can still work things out... But that doesn't change the fact that I've never really felt genuinely attracted to my boyfriend, so right now I've decided to just try to deal with this relationship for now, and when I'm ready to possibly start dating sometime in the future I'll just go with whatever feels right I guess (i know, i'm making it sound super simple and straight forward even though in reality it doesn't really work like that).

    Sorry for rambling so much, but hope there was at least something in there which you found helpful. (*hug*)
     
  5. Oh Lilac

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    The same thing happened to me... I fell for a woman and cancelled my wedding two weeks beforehand. I never had any idea until then! It was only because I explored and experienced the same sex that I had any idea.