Sexual vs. Romantic Inconsistencies: Or (Why I Can't Sleep At Night)

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Maybe that's just who we are.

I feel like I'm terms of sexual satisfaction, men are the go to for that. But when it's being romantic and emotionally attracted, it's more likely with women. I might be that gay guy going through the stage of accepting that I may be gay, who knows.

I don't want to love someone purely based on their appearance, I want it to be more than that.

I definitely don't want I force anything, and if I'm going to date a guy, that's something I'll in the end force myself to do.

 

I think it may be easier for me personally to help you with having a romantic and sexual relationship with a man than to help you with having a romantic and sexual relation with a woman.

I say this because I understand having difficulties in the romantic side of things. When I first came out as a lesbian I only experienced and was familiar with the sexual part of things. I never really saw what romance between two women were like, it was so unfamiliar to me. Eventually I did fall in love with a woman. I discovered the discomfort and the fear I've had that society has passed onto me. It was up to me to be open to new things and new experiences. I went on dates with women and got to know them. A lot of it is just being willing to spend time together. Romance in a man-man relationship is going to be different in a man-woman relationship. For me after being able to develop romance in a woman-woman relationship was the best thing ever.

Just start small. If you and guy have mutual interest just hang out together. Go for coffee/lunch, a dance club, an LGBT organization, play (video)games, go for a run or walk. Anything the two of you would like to do together. Get to know each others interests and understand each others points-of-view by asking questions.

Here is a recent article floating around online. It is a study conducted on intimacy through answering 36 questions. Each person gets to answer these questions. The idea is that when two people are mutually vulnerable intimacy will grow.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0

I did this for a date night with someone and we feel very close to one another now. It's not so much romantic as it is intimacy. When I spoke to a bisexual friend of mine, he said he just like you have difficulties in creating a romantic connection with another man. Since my friend was raised in a heterosexual dominant society like many of us, men are taught to have somewhat distant relationships with one another. He explained he only really got together with friends for a reason (e.g. needed help with moving something, play a video game, pick up women at a bar). They didn't call each other crying on the phone or just because. They never had long walks together where they talked about their lives, their feelings, their experiences. So my friend being bisexual and wanting to date men, it was difficult for the both of them to experience intimacy with one another. It took awhile before it could develop. My friend told me the sexual relationship developed before the romantic relationship which is a common approach for man-man relationships where woman-woman relationships (me) tend to create a friendship before a romantic relationship and a sexual one comes last. Most of it is to do with the dating scripts.

The reason why I said it would be easier for me to help you with a romantic/intimate relationship with a man than it would be for me to help you with a sexual relationship with a woman is simply that I don't know how sexual relationships are formed. I have a better personal understanding of intimacy and emotional relationships with people since that is what I mostly experience. I hope I was able to help you in some way

 

Just wanted to say that was a great reply sweetfemme. This subject is quite relevant to me and that was a great insight

 

Thank-you!! Glad to have been able to help you.