So I've been questioning my sexuality again ever since I developed a crush on my friend. I noticed that I get intense butterflies when I'm around her and that I'm constantly playing with her hair. Just this morning at school I tried to hold her hand. Every time I have gym class I say to myself that today's the day that I'm going to kiss her. But I never do. I get all scared and freeze up. She already told me that she wouldn't be comfortable with me kissing her but I just can't help it. The urges always come. Even in the morning before class starts. I tell myself that I'm going to do it but I never do. I never felt this way towards anybody before. Not even my past boyfriend. I guess I never actually liked him after all. She's the only person that I feel this way towards. I even had a sexual fantasy about her and it scared me. When I see girls at my school I tend to sometimes stare at them. I say to myself "Oh she cute. I wouldn't mind kissing her." Or "I wouldn't mind being her girlfriend." I say this about guys too but not as often as I do with girls. I also fantasize about having sex with girls often. Like everyday and night. I imagine that I'm wearing a strap on and that I'm fucking them. Or eating them out and fingering them. It makes me tingly down there. I fantasize about having sex with my ex but it doesn't really do much for me. I actually started questioning my sexuality when I was 14. There was girl at my outpatient program(long story why I ended up there) and I kept staring at her. When I was at home I would have fantasies about her. Like think about her. Those feelings went away so I thought that it was just a phase. Then it happened again when I turned 15. I started notices another girl and couldn't stop thinking about her either. Those feelings went away so I thought it was just another phase. Now that I'm 16, those feelings came back. Now I'm right back where I started 2 years ago. When me and my boyfriend were together I would think about him. But now that we're not together anymore I don't think about him. I don't know. I guess I'll never figure out my sexuality.
Dont be to hard on yourself, sounds like you are at the age of exploration and discovery. No need to rush. And above all else there is no need to label yourself - yes I know society loves to label. I'd say not appropriate to kiss someone against their will, specially at school where there is NO ESCAPE from childish behavior and accusations.
