Ok I'm confused internet, idk if I'm gay or straight or bi or whatever else kinda classifications there are. I find girls sexually attractive but I'd rather smash my head against the wall than date one. Guys are much easier to get along with but I find them less sexually attractive. The messed up part is I've gone way farther in the bedroom with guys. I also cross dress and I'll find myself jealous of girls sometimes. But now it's to the point where I think about guys and girls while I jerk it, and i m finding myself experimenting with anal and different things like that. Like idk, it's so difficult to put it into words and like when I get high ill figure everything out and feel so good about myself, but when it's back to reality I have a hard time accepting it within myself. And on top of that sometimes I'll feel like all manly and full of testosterone and ready to go, but then the next morning it's like opposite world. I can't even make myself orgasm anymore masturbation isn't working, I can't keep an erection when I'm getting intimate with some body like I want to just get rid of it and all my sexual thoughts and go live like a monk somewhere. This whole fluidity is killing me, I want to just be one or the other instead of just going crazy. Some people will say"oh that's a good thing, you like guys and girls" but it's not a good thing. It's fucking maddening is what it is
I've gotten farther in the bedroom with guys than girls, so there's that. It's important to note that in only attracted to older men and the moment, that's what feels natural to me Right now. Being attracted to guys my age does not feel natural, nor does it feel good. I do find that there's something special with holding a girls hand, so there's that. On a sexual standpoint, I would say that it's not as strong as older men, but I won't discard the fact that something is there for girls. One morning I'll wake up wanting a guy, then another morning I'll want a girl. So I can see where you're coming from. The high you experience and confusion after is something I also go through, especially after masturbation. It's possible that you're sexually attracted to girls more, and there's some sexual attraction to guys. And in terms of dates, for girls it doesn't seem appealing to you but for guys it's easier to get along with them. Same for me here, except the sexual attraction for me is reversed. I'm still figuring this out, but be true to yourself and know what is true to you, not what is stereotypically true.
How do you deal with feelings of shame and guilt? Like after the sexual time is over? That's the most confusing part... When you just want to seperate from the situation. I mean I know it's all part of being a guy, the refractory phase and all that but damn if its not like a slap in the face...
