questioning and loads of anxiety

You have to go on a long hiatus and refrain from sex, masturbating,and porn.
Ask yourself. If you are aroused by either one of the genders you are with. WHAT is arousing you, and what other feelings accompany it. Is it arousal with nervousness excitement, or is it arousal with negative feelings attached. Does it ACTUALLY feel good if you know what i mean. (just throwing out suggestions)
But please whatever you do, dont hate yourself. Or be angry about the things you did or how you feel. Forgive yourself for your past and dont beat yourself up about it. The trick is to accept any thoughts as a thought. Dont judge yourself, forgive your past. Work through more important issues first. Be healthy and practice healthy thoughts. Dont do destructive things such as porn and masturbation. Literally do breathing excercises if you feel anxiety and get scared.do a simple breathing excercise called 4-7-8. Breathe in 4 seconds, hold 7, let go for 8.
Just learn to live with some uncertainty for right now, and realize that uncertainty is TEMPORARY. Take everything with grain of salt, and give yourself the benefit of the doubt
It is hard to see through fog, but keep your headlights on and keep driving. Dont stop the car at a destination that might not be your stop.
Remember that no matter what happens, practice positive thinking. Dont believe that you wont be loved. Love yourself with whatever you are feeling. Only care about how YOU feel.
If something doesnt feel right, you have EVERY right to walk away and stop.

You are not set in stone, you have the freedom to express yourself sexually however you like. Dont let others convince you or tell you how to think.

Make a point not to come to a conclusion because sometimes a conclusion wont help you.
Look for what makes you happy, TRULY happy. Think back into your earilest attractions and interactions and if you were happy or not.
But whatever you do, dont ever lock yourself away because you feel like you arent worth it. It is okay to be confused. Sometimes knowing your exact feelings is an impossible bar to set. It is impossible to know something EXACT when it comes to feelings. All you can know is how do you feel right now. Take away everything, all peoples expectations, labels, personal binds, ask yourself how do you feel right now. And if you dont have an answer, or if your answer is I dont know. Realize that it is okay to say i dont know. Focus on something that you do know, something that makes you happy whatever it maybe. Take the break i meantioned above, and In real life let your attractions unfold naturally. Let yourself relax and give yourself the freedom to not put restrictions on yourself. You couldvery well just be straight. Or anything in between the scale. Dont stress over something that you cant figure out like a math problem. Dont let porn tell you what you like. This is something that takes time, respect yourself enough to say NO and to say YES to things that come your way. Dont say yes toanything because you think your gay or bi, or vice versa. Say yes if you truly want it, and remember to breathe.

Honestly in my opinion if you never have truly felt something for a girl in real life than you dont have to worry about being bi or gay trust me. Gay dreams happen and dont mean much.
I know alot of this was blabbing but im just trying to help out. I wish you luck and happiness and peace of mind.

 

I have anxiety as well (as do many people here on EC do). I remember freaking out A LOT if I was gay/bi. I also remember breaking down to my family and telling them what I was going through. Luckily they were okay with it, which has allowed me to explore my attractions with guys.

The reasons for me believing I was gay was that my first relationship ended last year, and when I was around 13 I started fantasizing about my male teachers (certain ones of course). Then I literally thought that I was gay and that's why it didn't work with that girl.

At this point, I know that I have sexual attraction to guys, but I feel as if it's not enough to identify as gay/bi, which is why I'm stuck in a loop of questioning. In addition, being uncomfortable around certain older men with a certain body made me think that it's because I find them attractive (which is true actually).

Today I started a "Be gay for a week" thread, and I want to see where my thoughts go if I were to be predominantly gay. However, this was only possible when I finally did not have an issue with being gay.

 

I wouldn't worry about being too old to be questioning your sexual orientation. I'm in my early 20s and still figuring things out. And if you look on the lgbt later in life forum you'll find people in their 30s and up figuring things out. As for your dream, I would say that having a gay dream does not necessarily make you gay, but this seems to have had quite an effect on you. Perhaps there were signs that you were ignoring and this dream simply brought them to light? The reason I'm asking is because in my case I never really considered being with women until recently when a close female friend of mine started being very flirtatious. Growing up, the few crushes I did have were on boys (they never progressed beyond crushes though). In hindsight I realized I was attracted to women since high school but I always managed to push it to the back of my mind with some excuse or the other (it's just a phase, etc..). When I finally got an inkling that I was not as straight as I thought I was terrified.

Bear in mind that we're conditioned from a very young age to be heterosexual and this adds to confusion and anxiety. Only you can know if you're straight/bi/lesbian/whatever, but it takes time to work through these feelings. When I first started seriously questioning, the idea of me being a lesbian was so foreign I couldn't wrap my head around it. I did not want to believe it. I'm still not 100% comfortable with that idea, but it feels much less alien than it did about a month ago. Talking things out helps, so I would say that posting/reading these forums will help. Also, do you have counseling services available to you through school? If so that may help.

Best of luck to you. I'm sure you'll find the answers you need.

 

^ Early 20's is not old at all. I think what she's talking about is people who come out much later than that, which I understand. It's better to start figuring things out as soon as you can. Not that you're pressed for time, but it's better to start early so you have time to explore your attractions.

 

Well I'm much younger... only 14. I also suffer from anxiety. I understand what you mean. Ever since the start of puberty, I have discovered myself a lot and I have thought of myself as gay. Being gay kinda came apart of my identity. But these past weeks I have been questioning myself a lot. I understand what you mean by always knowing yourself as straight and not wanting to be bi or gay now. It's the same for me, except I want to be gay and I don't want to be bi or straight. Once you know yourself as something for a while it's hard to get rid of and especially when you have anxiety questioning your sexuality can be hard for you. I just say, try and ease your anxiety and if you think about being bi or gay, just say to yourself "If I am bi or gay I will find out eventually, do not worry because everything will fall in place eventually." I know it's better saying this then actually doing this, because I tell myself to calm down my anxious thoughts all the time and yet I always still get them and as much as I say it to myself it is hard to calm yourself down. I however do believe in you and there are many anxiety apps you can use to calm down your anxious thoughts. Good luck, and soon you will discover yourself

---------- Post added 29th Mar 2015 at 02:13 PM ----------

damnnn this is good advice, I should honestly take it myself lol.

 

^^^ well damn. You recieved some pretty good advice from above I don't really have much to input but I understand you as well. Personally, I have started to devolp feelings for girl at my school and whenever I think of it or I see her I have to remind myself I'm straight? Because I am straight, right?

So yeah lol I understand where you're coming from but like they said before gay dreams don't mean very much, they could! If you had feelings for her in real life but if you don't, don't worry about dreams. I have dreams about girls and guys all the time that I can't stand! Haha but that doesn't mean I fancy them. So take a deep breathe. If it's something you do want to explore-- notice your feelings for women a little bit more and if it's out of the usual and the feelings are a little unfriendly that can be a sign. Good luck

 

Sadly, anxiety pretty much comes with questioning. Most people feel that anxiety. You just kinda have to talk to yourself. You can't let any outside views in your mind, and you have to think about how YOU feel.