I've lived my twenties chasing after men, despite knowing I was attracted to women since I was 15. I had sex for the first time when I was 20 just to get it out of the way, so I could be like everyone else. I had this idea of a man, kids, and happily ever after, because that's what is "normal", what I was supposed to do. My relationships with men never worked, I dislike being intimate with men, though I enjoy their company. My last long term relationship was an abusive marriage I got myself in to just because I wanted to be married, to be "normal". I feel like I'm too old to be going through this crap with my sexuality. Like I can't possibly be a lesbian because I didn't figure it out earlier. I've tried online dating and had sex with one man since my divorce and I'm just so turned off by messages from men and I faked my way through sex with the man I was seeing and then dumped him a few days later. Does anyone else have a similar story? I feel so alone. I've been labeling myself as bi since I was a teenager, but it doesn't feel right. I have no romantic or sexual feelings for men.
I'm sorry that you are going through this but I don't think that their is any specific time for it to just stop. People can struggle with this for their whole life and that is understandable. I would recommend maybe trying online dating for women specifically and see where that leads you! Maybe shift your focus from men for a while to see what you really need to be happy and fulfilled.
Forget everything you've been told. Homosexuality is NOT abnormal just because it doesn't show up in the majority of us. You turned out that way because of things you couldn't control i.e. genetics, being in the womb, living life and having all your unique experiences. All of that is normal! It is pointless to fight it. You can still have a family with good friend. In a more "normal" sense there are things you can try. You have one life. Who are you really sacrificing your happiness for?
I realized I was a lesbian after sleeping with a woman 2 weeks before I was supposed to be marrying the man I'd spent the last half decade with. I seriously had no idea I was gay before that point- so yes, I can understand the, "How the heck did I not figure this out sooner?" feeling. Like you, I had labeled myself as bisexual since my teens, had/still have a strong desire to be "normal", & really enjoy the company of men despite disliking being intimate with them. Have you had any romantic/sexual experiences with women? It's certainly not necessary to have them to figure your sexuality out, but for me it was a complete aha moment, like I literally woke up the next morning & was just like, "Well apparently I'm a dyke, that sure explains a lot," & within days I'd dumped my fiance & come out to pretty much everyone. So experience can really help clarify things for you (although it doesn't at all for some people). But like headie2infinity said, I definitely suggest you try out dating women & see how it feels.
Don't feel bad that you didn't catch it early on, I recently talked to a woman who was 36 and finally accepted that she wasn't straight after having kids and being marry for 20 years! It pained her to leave the marriage but she couldn't keep lying to herself and her husband. The moral of the story is it's never to late! Ever. People still go into their 50s and 60s questioning who they are. It's a good thing you caught it early on! Maybe you should try to search for local gay bar around your neighborhood and I'm sure you'll run into plenty women. See how that works out and go from there... You could even bring a supportive friend!
Thanks everyone. I have had sexual & romantic experience with women...recently again, in fact, which I think brought this to the front of my mind again. I've never felt so comfortable and satisfied as I did being with a bi friend.
