Hope you'all are having a great day. Last December I came out for the first time ever as gay, to my best friend. I have thought I was gay for as long as I can remember. Recently, however, I have started to question myself all over again. I've been in relationships with girls but never really felt anything special for any of them. However, in the past few weeks I have been having these thoughts that maybe if I could find the right girl (I believe in waiting for the right person) I can just fall in love with her, have a family, buy a house, and have one of those cute, long lasting relationships. And I am OK with that, I mean, it doesn't feel wrong to me, but there's just something missing... something that tells me I am gay. I always catch myself looking at women's (and men too) bodies and sometimes I meet a girl and think she's really sweet and gorgeous and I think to myself "damn she's so goddamn perfect.." but, again, there's that something that won't let me see myself in a relationship with her. As for guys, I also find them physically attractive and I can definitely see myself with one, even though I have never been with one. I want to think I am bisexual, but I just don't know. When I say it, it doesn't feel like I am being true to myself. I am just so confused and I've been stressing out about it for weeks. I know labels are not important, I agree, but I just want to know who I really am. I had already accepted myself as gay and was comfortable with it, but now this thought arise and make me question everything and make me feel so desperate. :icon_sad: Do you guys think I could still be in denial and not fully accepted that I am gay? Or maybe I am bisexual and can't realize it? I don't know what to think anymore
I think you're probably in denial. Is there a reason you can't "have a family, buy a house, and have one of those cute, long lasting relationahips." With a guy? I notice how beautiful women are quite often, however for me there aren't any sexual feelings there. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not gay if you appreciate the beauty of the female form.
I'm in the same sorta boat, I have some feelings for women but they don't feel complete, certainly nothing like the feelings I have for guys, I even had a 1 year relationship with a girl. But it never felt like we connected in the same way as I do with guys, even on a non-romantic level. I get your feelings about family, that was one of the hardest things to accept, I felt that if I wanted it enough I could become straight and I just felt so bad that I wouldn't be able to give my mother grandchildren and that as the only male my family surname (which is very rare, only 6 families out of 200,000 in my region) would end with me. But adopting is always an avenue, there will always be kids who need a loving family and a second chance to start their lives. I fought the bi vs gay battle with myself and recently decided on gay as the level of attraction I have for women is much lower and different than men, that and the fact I never had a crush on a girl it's only ever been guys. A question I would ask is how much gay porn do you watch vs 'straight' porn?
Hello, EpicConfusion, thanks for replying. I apologize, I should have clarified a little more. There is no reason why I could not have all of that with a guy, I definitely could, and I want to. The main thing is that recently, after all my life thinking I was gay, I began thinking that I could also possibly have those things with a girl but there's that something that I honestly don't know how to describe that won't let me see myself being with a girl, if that makes any sense. ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2015 at 03:09 PM ---------- Hey buddy, thanks for taking the time to reply. Yes, I also feel like if I tried hard enough I could be, not necessarily straight, but at least feel equally attracted to women as I do for men. However, deep inside I know that won't happen cause a person can't just decide to change how they feel, I believe. As for your question, when I watch porn it is rarely straight porn.
There's a big indicator for you! I started watching gay porn when I was 14, but I still thought I was straight until I was 17! When you're feeling horny and just want to crack one off you're going to search for what is the most sexually appealing to you, that's one thing that helped make my mind up, I just thought 'I'm watching gay porn ALL the time, I am no way straight, this is beyond a little curiosity'.
Yes I am absolutely sure I am not straight, no doubt about that. The confusion is on whether I am bisexual, or gay in denial.
It seems to me that you perhaps share an equal emotional attachment to both sexes, the same cannot be said for sexual attractiveness. You say you feel the same for both sexes, but is it really that you feel the same of that perhaps you want to feel the same in order to be 'less gay'. Personally I see the latter and it's triggered by some denial, but subconsciously you are gay as that is your preference express through porn, if you really were bi do you think that maybe the porn you'd watch would be slightly more evenly split between each type?
You mentioned that something just doesn't click when imagining yourself with a girl… to me, this is the give away. I too, struggled with the bi vs gay label but, after many months of confusion, I realized that I would chose a woman over a man any day. People ask me to describe my feelings but I find it extremely difficult seeing as I can't even sort them out in my own head. The one thing that I do usually say though is that it just clicks with women and just doesn't with men. Obviously I can't tell you your orientation, but from what you've shared, you seem to be gay in denial.
I guess you guys are right, the answer here was really obvious but I couldn't realize it, I am just in denial. I just find it strange that I would have these thoughts even though I was already perfectly fine with being gay. I think I'm subconsciously trying to convince myself that I can like women as well. Thank you guys for taking the time to reply, really appreciate it.
If you've know you were gay since you were a kid, then chances are you're a homosexual. I know I'm gay but I get anxiety about my orientation a lot and my mind is always coming up with reasons why I can't be. It's really taxing emotionally, so I know how that feels. You just have to try and move past it. It's hard, trust me I know I'm still not there yet.
