1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Struggling to admit it to myself... advice please.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Scottmcdonn, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. Scottmcdonn

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2015
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This is my first time admitting this. I've been confused about my sexuality since I was 14. I never had many friends in school and to avoid being more of an outcast, I did normal teenage boy things and got a girlfriend. Nothing sexual ever occurred, it was more just wanting to fit in. That ended nearly 4 years. I haven't had any relationships or even a date since then because I wanted to figure things out. 4 years on, I am still none the wiser.

    While I am pretty confident that I am gay, I have the dreams, fantasy's, I am just afraid to admit it to myself because once I do, there is no going back. I have never had a gay experience and the thought of it happening in future both excites me and terrifies me. Being where I am, It's a really lonely place because I have nobody to talk too so advice is always welcome :slight_smile:

    I don't know any gay people currently but Where I live, there is this outcomers place where young gay people meet to chat and stuff. I walk past that place every day thinking today is the day im going to go in and start living my life again. I haven't gone in yet due to fear.

    I have tried to repress these feelings for years but they don't go away. I just want these doubts and anxieties to go away so I can be happy again. There was a time when I was 15 or 16 where I would have found women attractive. Now... I don't even think of women. I think I am slowly progressing but any advice about dealing with it etc would be very appreciated :slight_smile:

    I am grateful that I can admit these type of things for the first time without feeling judged or a laughing stock so thank you everybody :slight_smile:
     
  2. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well I had a same-sex experience, and I must say I did enjoy it even though prior to meeting up with him I was terrified. Not terrified because I was doing something gay, but terrified as in not putting much thought into it. I just went ahead with it because it was on my mind for so long.
     
  3. Deadsouls

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lancaster, Ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    All I can say is I am happy that you are sharing these confessions to this site. If there is one thing I would give advice to you on right now is do not be in denial of your sexuality. This is who you are, screw anyone else that does not like who you are on the inside. Also, I would experiment to be honest to a certain extent, however I would suggest finding a gay friend and just chilling with him and see if he is a nice guy that can give you advice. If you two do anything remember always use a condom.
     
  4. Scottmcdonn

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2015
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ireland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It feels good to vent somewhat. I was dying inside with keeping all these thoughts and worries to myself. It may sound stupid but even just writing how I feel makes me feel better.

    Today I woke up and was feeling rather good about things and then slowly I started to feel like I usually feel, lonely and sad. I've certainly thought long and hard about it and you are right, maybe meeting someone would help! I have no intentions of anything happening in a romantic or sexual sense, I am not at that stage yet but it would be nice for me to meet new people and if I make some new friends and maybe meet someone then that's an added bonus. So I have decided to call into the Gay Outcomers place in my town, I will do it Monday or Tuesday so im hoping things go smoothly and I don't feel too awkward about myself. May sound like an obvious thing to do but this would be a big step for me, because it's me getting closer to accepting who I am and that would be an amazing feeling after all this time :slight_smile: