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Guy I'm dating has had many partners in the past (feeling uneasy)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Regacter, Apr 2, 2015.

  1. Regacter

    Regacter Guest

    I've been dating this guy for 2 months now and I asked him awhile back how many men he slept with and he said about 24 since he came out when he was 17 and is now 28. His longest relationship he has been is 3 months and it was a mutual break off. I told my close friends about it recently and they told me to keep my guard up bc this is the first guy I've seriously dated since I came out recently and they don't want to see me get hurt. I really like this guy, but at the same time I'm constantly thinking I don't want to end up being another number and or/being used. Also, this is my first sexual partner and we both got tested. He has been really nice towards me and he introduced me to some of his friends and family and the same thing goes for me. I need advice bc I'm stressing about it.. Thanks.
     
  2. LooseMoose

    Regular Member

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    The number of partners in itself it not particularly unusual, if the person views causal sex as acceptable.
    Think about it: He has been active for 11 years, and this averages to 2 people per year, which is not that much- add to this that people might go through periods of time, especially when their sexuality is new when they are more promiscuous, brining the average up.

    Somebody might have had 3 serious partners, 6 people whom they were dating, but found each other not compatible to form a relationship, and the rest would be casual hookups, which amounts to around one random hook-up per year. This is how many peoples love-lives look like. It is not ideal, but by any means not unusual, so the number itself is not something I would worry about.

    However, what would make me weary is the fact that he did not seem to have any long relationships. Anyone who went this long without forming one longer attachment could have intimacy/commitment problems.

    I would postpone sleeping with him and go on few dates where you yourself are clear about what you want from a relationship, and find out more about what he wants from dating. It could just be that he is very picky when it comes to romantic partners.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Apr 2015 at 03:13 AM ----------

    Just to add: given what you said about him so far, 2 months dating seem to be pretty long for him, which means he must like you.
    He might be somebody who either has issues with intimacy or is just 'waiting for the right guy' & either way you might need to go slow to avoid making him feel pressured.
    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. HunGuy

    HunGuy Guest

    Your friends said it right. The fact that his longest relationship in 11 years lasted only for three months, might be a sign of commitment/intimacy issues, as LooseMoose said, or maybe he's a cheater... Be careful with him.
     
  4. Regacter

    Regacter Guest

    We've been fooling around together for a month now and he stated he wasn't going to pressure me into something I didn't want to do. We haven't actually "did it" and I did tell him I am a virgin and he said I can take as much time as I feel comfortable in. He's been nice cooking me dinner and bringing me coffee at work- but then again I just worry