Good Morning! I'm so sorry if this is boring and long, please keep reading! So I've rewritten this like four times. Posting is a lot harder than I thought it would be! haha. I'm confused about being bisexual... And while I come from a very open and accepting family (I know I'm lucky bc not everyone gets to have one of those), I'm so scared to admit it. To anyone, and maybe myself. It may seem stupid but it makes me feel emotional when I say it outloud- to even myself. When I look back on my life I have always liked girls. When I was young I didn't understand that it was anything beyond normal. Until I got to be a little older and it became "weird" to hold hands with your friend who was a girl. I remember not getting why, but it was "weird" and goodness knows as 10,11 & 12 you don't want to be weird... And honestly being younger I just kind of accepted that I was wrong and moved on. But I don't think I realized I was attracted to girls sexually until I was in my late teens and by then there had been so many times where someone would say to me and a friend (in a joking way) "it's ok if you're gay, i'll accept you" and with the other person in question immediately saying, "I'm not gay!" and then the "you act like you're lesbians not just friends" comments and whatnot- I buried it and convinced myself I was not gay/bi or anything of the sort- just confused. So I dated men. And that worked for a little while. But burying it only lasted so long. But those feelings towards friends or girls would always come up eventually. And honestly it's been hard for me. I denied it for a long time using what I assume are cliche lol Here are a few : I watch lesbian porn/ focus more on the girls in porn/ would think of lesbian porn to get hot during foreplay with my boyfriend... Self Rationalization: totally normal, I'm just identifying with said lovely lady's orgasm... I'm attracted to girls who dress like boys Self Rationalization: I'm not gay/bi...they look like boys...i must like boys... I kiss girls when I'm drunk Self Rationalization: I'm just a friendly drunk. Hope that was amusing^ It's not like I don't like men. I do. I lust over them too. It just feels different. I feel weird telling this to strangers but I just am...confused and don't have anyone to talk to. I told someone once who is in fact lesbian...and it just didn't go well... ...I told my brother (whom i'm close with) over text once (during a time I thought I for sure was lesbian and was just so alone) but I'm such a pussy, I then said immediately after the initial text, " please don't approach me in person about this, in fact please pretend I never said anything, bc it makes me uncomfortable" hahaha And we have since pretended nothing was ever said... HELP! (!) <--- bc it's so amusing to me...
Hum, maybe your sexuality be fluid! The sexuality is a thing that construct with a lot of social influences and, of course, internal influences. In your case, you should be straight but sometime lesbian (Kisney Scale) reading your text, I understood this! Anyway, you need stay calm and don't be pressure for you or someone! You have make the follow question: ''I'm happy this way''? Doesn't matter if is weird or not, what import is your true nature sexuality! If, after a deep self-knowledge, you decided that ''yes I'm really just like boys'' or ''I like girls too'' is all ok! Don't be scare, know yourself first at all! I hope helped you. Good luck
Haha. Yes, self-rationalizations can be really funny to look back on. When I came out to myself that I was a gay guy: "Makes sense, no straight girl gets quite that into dancing to "macho man", or gets that obsessive over The Celluloid Closet. And no straight girl is that interested in Quentin Crisp, no straight girl cries at that one scene in Boogie Nights. Really, how did you not see this sooner?" Well, you definitely like girls. You could be bi with a preference for girls, or you could be lesbian. But you say you lust over men, so I'd say possibly bi with strong preference for girls. Welcome to EC! I love the dancing bananas! (!) (!!)
Thanks for the support! I just want to be ok with it. Cause I don't feel ok with it, if that makes sense? I mean how do you become ok with it?
From what you wrote it seems like you really are bi. But I would consider being a lesbian too. You said you lust over men too, but couldn't it be just a defence mechanism? Because you also said you are scared to admit that you have different sexual orientation even to yourself. And you said that you started to date men after you convinced yourself that you are not gay/bi and buried it inside. So I would consider that you are with men because you were scared to admit that you could be gay... And to your question how to be okay with it, I don't know. I didn't figure it out myself, right know I am like on a roller coaster, one minute I am glad that I finally know who I am, the other minute I get scared that I am gay.
Sweetberry and minthegap, I was where you two are just a couple of moths ago. Thankfully, that fear and most of the confusion has subsided. I think you just need time to become okay with being gay. Just go with it for now and eventually you'll be happy with who you are
This is something I've thought many times. I go over it time and time again. It does scare me a lot. And I don't know why? I grew up being close to family members who are openly gay, and I've always considered myself an ally. My family is supportive and loving. I'm outward about standing up for people's rights and feel passionate about embracing who you are, but for some reason when it's me ... I get choked up o_o.
