Having an affair w/ a married man- should I stop it?

I choose option 3.

Because really, it's the right thing to do. Cheating = bad.

Apparently the sex is great, but maybe you naturally experience better sex with men over women, not just Steve over every other person. You aren't married and can later on marry another single person who loves you as much as you love her/him. You've already said that you aren't 100% in love with Steve, but his wife and kids might be. That means that you can't have this trist with him any longer. He needs to stay strong and be present for his kids and wife. After all, imagine you as a kid. You wouldn't want your dad sleeping with a strange man would you? Yeah, no. Please in the future avoid married people. Granted, your first sex encounter with a married person was in the heat of the moment. Alright. But I'm sure that wasn't the case every single time afterwards. But, you can be a better person by choosing your partners wisely.

 

I agree you should choose option three unfortunately. While it is sad for everyone involved, he has a child now and that child should not have their life ruined by their parents breaking up, which is a possibility. You may consider giving him an ultimatum as well; Tell him to choose her or you. If you are really serious and you love each other, maybe the relationship with his wife is unhealthy for him and he would be happier with you.

 

I agree with the people before me. The third option is the way to go.

 

Third option ^-^

 

Option three, naturally. I'm surprised you even mentioned 2 other options... Maybe because it's not you who's being cheated on.

 

Sorry JREChi, but I have to go with option 3. I remember as a kid, how much it hurt when my Dad cheated on my Mom 3 times and also my friend is a child of divorce. I don't want any child to feel that. So break the romantic side up, you can still be his friend. If they do divorce, not down to you support him through it. If they don't, help him to rebuild his relationship with his family.

 

Having an affair with a married person is like being in another closet. You have to hide it and can't talk about it with anyone because when you do the change of getting busted increases significantly; it'll distance you from friends and family. Moreover, the longer you keep it going the more difficult it becomes to end it. In short, this is another option 3 vote, this time from someone with personal experience on that matter.

 

Steve's a coward. Option 3, and then find a guy who is available.

 

I hope this reply doesnt cause alot of negative feedback, but Im going to dissagree with everyone else.

What is gong on with you needs to be about you. It is not your marriage, and if he wants to cheat on his wife he will do it with you or someone else. Especially sense he obvioulsy cant seem to get it at home!

My concern for this is You. You sound so happy that you have someone important in your life, but you cant share it with anyone. If this works for you then great, but if you hate it because he cant take you to a fancy hotel, or the movies, or home for the holidays, then he is holding you back! You deserve to be treated that way if thats what you want!

I say as long as you are happy thats what really matters! but if your not, I say move on and find someone who will give you the real life your seeking! (*hug*)

 

Don't forget about the three kids. Two of them have already lost a father in one way or another. This little secret will inevitably cause more and more problems in that couple's marriage, whether it is found out about or not. And guess who will suffer because of it? Yes, the kids. Quarrels and yelling, maybe separation again etc. Would you still have the same opinion if it was YOUR father who was cheating? Or YOUR stepfather?

Look at this fucking world and where it's headed because of people who never think about the consequences of their actions. Let's say someone killed your family, because it made him happy. By your logic that's perfectly okay. You even KNEW that your opinion would cause negative feedback, because even YOU feel that it's not right.

So by the power of the Force: "You want to go home and rethink your life."

 

THIS ISNT A BLOODY TEENAGE SLEEPOVER!! This is a married man with a family, who has a wife with 2 previous kids, they've already seen one man leave their lives, why would you want to make it 2?

 

From what you have written, it doesn't seem like you're the reason he's having an affair. He seems to be having an affair because he's unhappy in his current life situation. You're just something to spice things up, a way to escape reality. Your relationship does not know the hardship of everyday life.

Aren't you the least bit worried about how quick he was to jump in bed with you? Again, it does suggest that the reason he slept with you isn't you.

There's no future for you two. You're just hurting people's feelings.

Another vote on 3.

 

I just want to point out a few things, :eusa_naug

1) I never said I thought what was going on was the best option, but lets not forget noone knows whats going on in his life or his marriage. Assuming you know what is best for someone else is what most of our friends and families have tried to do to us. Thats why we are here!

2)I can appriciate that you folks might not agree with my opinion, but attacking me because my views are a bit different than yours... not very in tune with what this site is all about.... :tears:

3) As a married man...(SHOCKING IM SURE!!!) I can tell you that marriage is much more complex than it seems from the outside and that no 2 are the same. I know what its like to battle your heart and soul and mind to make the right choices, sometimes they dont always agree and you have to do what works for you. He has strong feelings for another man, but he also made a commitment to someone else and those children. Im sure he is trying to do what best for all of them and still be true to himself at the same time! Just because he isnt honoring one part of his marrige doesnt make him a bad guy!

 

1. "...noone knows whats going on in his life or his marriage." We know only what OP told us here, so that's what we can base our opinions on, like you did in you previous post: "Especially sense he obvioulsy cant seem to get it at home!"
Don't confuse giving advice after being asked, with forcing certain lifestyles on others. They are not the same. OP and Steve are free to do whatever they want, but OP wanted our opinions on his problem. We chose what we thought was the best option of the three he mentioned.

2. Nobody attacked you, but you seem to be retreating already. Why, I don't now. It's a debate, try to cope with opposition.

3. You're trying to justify Steve's cheating. He broke the trust of his wife (and kids), I'm sure none of them agreed to him fucking another person, or he wouldn't have to hide it.
You being married is shocking indeed, mostly because of your last sentence. If you don't see why "not honoring part of his marriage" is bad, then just think about how you would feel if your spouse cheated on you.