I know that I'm a lesbian, and I try to accept that fact, but it's so hard! Please, help me. I don't want to feel like I'm never going to be happy forever.
With time, you'll be alright with it. It's unlikely that when you realize you aren't straiht, you'll be comfortable with it the next day. If it helps, I know that in bi/pan but I still haven't fully accepted it, and to be honest, it would be easier telling people that I'm gay rather than bi, but then I would be lying to myself. You don't have to try in order to accept your orientation. There's much more to you than who you fall in love with, like your hobbies/interests, career, goals, etc.
Hello & welcome How long since you have acknowledged this? Which aspects do you struggle with at the moment? It is normal for the process to take time. It is gradual. Few things to maybe make you feel better, don't know much about your situation, but I will do my best to guess what could help! 1) Despite what culture often tells us being gay is not in any way different/less 'natural' to being straight- both are an expression of natural human instinct to bond with each other, and most of the sex straight people have isn't any different to gay sex, because both are done just for pleasure, love and bonding, despite the propaganda which claims that straight sex 'more natural' because it is about 'making babies'. It is nonsense, most people don't have more than 2-3 children- anyone can do that by having straight sex 3 times, hardly a justifiable excuse for life time practice of straight sex, if its only purpose is to have children. 2) You are gaining happiness: by accepting your sexuality you are gaining the ability to live the way which has the potential to make you happy, and to connect to the world around you better. A straight relationship could never make you happy- why not look forward to one which can? 3) Same sex relationships rock- you don't have to put up with the annoying gender differences, they are more intimate because of this, also statistically the sex is much better. You'll never have to put up with boys who stole your heart, but whose only idea to have sex is to jab a few times and think they are master-lovers. 4) You are gaining a full, life time supply of rainbow, unicorn shaped candy. Very delicious. (love your avatar btw)
Thank you! I hope you can deal with those problems. I know how difficult is to society to accept that not everyone is attracted to only one gender/sex. At least things are slowly changing... ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2015 at 08:23 PM ---------- Hi, thank you! Well, my story is very complicated. I've known for a long time that I like girls. Actually, my first kiss was with a girl (and when my mother found out, she beat me and grounded me, which, I think, made my self-acceptance harder). The problem is that I lived two years as a trans man and I got so envolved with the gender thing that I "procrastinated my sexuality". It was easier to deal with my attraction to women using a male name and thinking of myself as a straight guy. But I started my detransition (I'm still dysphoric, I decided to do this due to personal reasons. I don't want to discuss gender theories here) and I realised that, if I'm a woman and only feel attracted to girls, then I'm a lesbian, and this scares me a lot. Anyway, I don't know what to say anymore, I'm confused. But thank you for everything, I feel more relaxed now. (And thanks for complimenting my pic, I really love it )
You are welcome I think the negative reaction by your mother might have indeed made your relation to you sexuality harder- I have never received harsh treatment for it, but my mother also was hostile to signs of it- it had an impact, because when we are young we want to please our parents. One of the ways to deal with this as an adult might be to look at what are really *your* issues with being gay, and what are just your *mothers*/parents opinions which you have internalised, and to recognise them as not yours, but your mothers. Learning to accept your sexuality later than straight people do, is difficult, not just because it is different to the majority, but because by the time we realise, we have often already developed ways of living which are not particularly direct -we learn to hide and protect ourselves from hostility, and to hide ourselves from revealing who we are. So once we decide to accept we are gay we have this world in front if us, which sometimes too intense and scary to handle for somebody who is used to hiding. We have to learn to be direct, when all we have learned was to hide ourselves. This was my experience, and also from what I have read around here as well. It takes adjusting, and it takes time to deal with the intensity of it, because we have to learn to handle all the new emotions, which is also scary. What I am saying (and this was my experience) is that you might not be necessarily afraid of being gay- you might have difficulties because you are not used to being "out there" in the world- in a way it feels sometimes 'safer' being in the closet, because the emotions are less threatening- so your lack of acceptance might be a way of staying in the safety of the closet. Not sure if this makes sense in your case, a lot of it is guess-work, based on my experience.
