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Not Accepted as a Lesbian by Lesbians because don't want to have sex

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by KellyDixon, Apr 7, 2015.

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  1. KellyDixon

    KellyDixon
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    In my opinion, a lesbian is just a woman whose emotional, romantic and sexual energies are geared towards women and not towards men. I think that even though I don't feel like having sex, maybe don't have sexual attraction I am still a Lesbian because if I did/ever do experience sexual desire/action it would/will of course be geared towards women also and not men like everything else I feel intimately for women. But Lesbians in my circle have been quite nasty to me recently and saying that the defining thing of being lesbian is sexual attraction and activity to/with women and that the emotion, romantic, and all other (in my opinion more important) aspects of lesbian relationships actually don't mean squat and they want to kick me out of Lesbianism.

    I think they are hyper-sexualized and kinda assholes, that if their girlfriends didn't want to have sex they would pressure them into it against their will, or dump them like the relationship never meant anything/were never in love at all in the first place and I think that is messed up. I know there is this asexual identity that I possibly fit into, but I also think that maybe when I get a more serious longer term relationship than I've previously had which is based on trust love and commitment it's quite likely that I will develop sexual urges in that context as a result. Can someone tell me I am right in asserting that I am in fact a lesbian and that sex isn't the only or most important part of being a lesbian because I'm feeling like no-one is on my side here and I just know it can't be that shallow, defined solely by the experience of sexual desire and or sexual activity.
     
    #1 KellyDixon, Apr 7, 2015
  2. luminescence

    luminescence
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    I totally agree with what you're saying. It's like saying that you're lesbian JUST because you've had sex with another girl, which is totally wrong since being a lesbian is like what you said, a person whose romantic, sexual, and emotional energies are towards other women.
     
    #2 luminescence, Apr 7, 2015
  3. KellyDixon

    KellyDixon
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    Thank you so much! I was about to lose my mind if no-one would agree with me! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 KellyDixon, Apr 7, 2015
  4. LooseMoose

    LooseMoose
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    God, this is ridiculous, I've never heard of more nonsense.
    Of course you are lesbian, and further more I can relate to you a bit- I do want to have sex, but only in the context of meeting somebody I actually have long-term potential with.

    They do sound like dicks- there is too much policing in the community. They probably feel more validated in their sexuality if they feel able to behave like dudes in objectifying women. Go tell them to have intercourse with themselves.
    Find a different and more mature community- I am sure there are some older lesbian meet up groups, or maybe a reading group, something like that.
    There is always meeting people online for friends as well.
     
    #4 LooseMoose, Apr 7, 2015
  5. Emily1

    Emily1
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    I completely agree with everything you're saying. Although, to play devil's advocate, I understand where these girls are coming from. For some people, especially sexual/sensual people, sexual chemistry is a huge part of a romantic relationship. If it wasn't, people would be perfectly content living their lives with friends and family alone, without a romantic partner. I will add that just because you don't want sex doesn't mean you're any less of a lesbian. There are plenty of straight girls who don't want to have sex with men until they are in committed monogamous relationships, it doesn't make them any less straight. Sexual desire is independent of sexual orientation.
     
    #5 Emily1, Apr 7, 2015
  6. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Wow, they sound like assholes. I'm not asexual, but I'm not really all that interested in sex either. Especially with the recent increase in estrogen I now take, my sex drive is pretty much gone. Still know who I am though.
     
    #6 Fallingdown7, Apr 7, 2015
  7. bicomplicated

    bicomplicated
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    These girls do sound really mean. Of course you are lesbian if you are only attracted to women but don't want to have sex. Some people don't want to have sex unless they are in a comitted relationship that they have been in for a while. That doesn't make you straight, lesbian, bi, whatever. You know who you are attracted to. Don't let these girls get to you.
     
    #7 bicomplicated, Apr 7, 2015
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