So I never thought I'd be one of those people that denied their sexuality but I have been lately I've been very confused for a while now about being bi or being lesbian. I know for a fact that I'm attracted to certain girls but I also find some guys to be very attractive. You'd think that I'm bi right? But it's not that easy...I've never had a sexual experience with a girl but I've had them with a few guys. I've just said "well let me give it a shot" but I've never truly been attracted to any of them. I've made out with a few guys including the one I'm dating right now but to be honest I don't feel anything, anything at all. I even thought I was asexual for a time being but that couldn't be right because I do get turned on sometimes and i know im a very sexual girl. This is a bit personal but when I watch porn I don't think I'm the girl....most of the times I think I'm the guy having sex with the girl...this is one of the biggest red flags that made me question myself. I know it's not a bad thing at all to be gay but I just can't come to terms with it. I don't know how to tell my friends that I might be more into girls. My family is another issue. I've always been very aware about what they think of me and I know my grandparents are very conservative so I know they wouldn't be ok with me being a lesbian. Also I've seen myself going out with a few girl friends...I had a big crush on one of them but i just get embarrassed of letting people know. I'm honestly just very confused right now. I'm sorry for the long post haha but I'd honestly feel relieved with some feedback
To me it sounds like you're totally interested in girls. You may find men attractive at times, but that doesn't mean any sexual feelings are there. I am the same way but with the genders switched; I think women are very beautiful and I find their bodies attractive but in the way that a work of art is beautiful. I don't want to have sex with women, but I do appreciate their beauty. I think that's probably more how you feel towards guys.
From what you said it seems you are definitely into girls. You said you were with boys and didn't like it and didn't really feel anything. If you would be into boys, I think you would feel something. But you didn't feel anything with more than one boy, so it wasn't that you didn't like one guy, you have experience with more of them. You could try to focus on your feelings, how do you feel around boys and girls. Maybe try and experiment with a girl... This could be a problem too. I am in the same situation with my family so altough now I am alost sure that I am gay, I am still holding on the thought if I could not be gay or be bi just because of this. Because my family and their possible reaction on me being gay scares me so much. Also my future as gay scares me.
