How do I know for sure if I'm gay?

There's a couple of things I want to point out about porn. First of all, it's just fantasy, and people can enjoy fantasies of things that they would never actually do. So it doesn't really mean much of anything. Secondly, a lot of straight porn, and even "lesbian" porn is made by and for straight men, so that's usually the only audience that enjoys it. I agree lesbian porn often doesn't seem real. It's because it usually isn't. Male gay porn however, is more likely to be for gay men, which means that there's probably a lot less acting involved. What the people in the video are doing/feeling is more likely to be "real," in that sense. It's entirely possible that you might just not like video porn that much, or that maybe you haven't found your particular fancy. I myself don't like watching any kind of porn. At worst it's a huge turn off, and at best it's "meh." I'd much rather read erotica or manga, that way I get to use my own imagination.

Struggling to understand who we are, and who it is that we're attracted to is something we all go through, or are going through. It sure sounds like you're lesbian, but obviously that's something which only you can know. I don't know how long you've been struggling with your sexuality. I'm pretty sure you'll reach a point when you'll know for sure, but how far off that is, I cannot say. I can give an example of how long my process has been so far:

2014
Feb - I started to question my sexuality.
Feb to Dec - I was in confusion/denial.
Late Dec - I finally accepted that I was attracted to men, but I had no idea what that meant. Gay? Bi? Transwoman? Bi transwoman?
2015
Jan to Feb - Struggled to understand what my attraction to men meant.
Mar - Accepted the fact that I'm gay and cis.
Present - Struggling with a second wave of denial, my depression is trying to convince me that I'm bi, but I know that's not true. I know that's the depression talking, not me.

So, it might take a while to become sure of yourself. You said that you're not attracted to men, even when you acknowledge that they're attractive. That alone is a pretty good sign that you're lesbian. How did I "know" that I'm gay? Well, I came to several different conclusions:
1. I'm sexually attracted to the same sex (in my case, men). Using just my own imagination, I get excited at the thought of being with a guy.
2. I have no desire to sleep with the opposite sex (in my case, women). It's not that I wouldn't enjoy it per se, it's that I just, don't want to. Even though I think plenty of women are very pretty, I've never looked a girl and had the desire to be with her.
3. After much analyzing, I realized the attraction I feel towards women is just wanting to be good friends. I'm not romantically attracted to women. I am however, romantically attracted to men. Being near a guy I have a crush on but butterflies in my stomach and all that.
4. I tried imagining being romantic with guys, kissing, hugging, etc., and I get that warm fuzzy feeling. I tried thinking about doing the same things to girls, and I just, didn't feel anything.
5. This one may sound silly, but it helped. Something I did was imagine having different kinds of every day conversations. I thought of classic couple scenarios, and tried imagining having them with a girl, and then a guy. It was really easy to imagine it with a guy, I felt like I could be myself. But when I tried thinking of the same conversations with a girl, it just felt weird. That spark wasn't there.

I'm not saying you're gay, that's entirely up to you to figure out. But maybe thinking of these kinds of things will help.

 

^ It's odd because when I feel like I'm attracted to a girl in someway, I get depressed like "oh boy here we go again", then I feel like I'm bi.

Then again, probably doesn't mean anything.

 

Lesbian porn exists, it's just not as common as "lesbian" porn made for guys. I'm not going to lie either, I look at porn lol.

Sometimes I get really insecure though haha. Like some of these girls, omg...

 

I don't think you ever know for SURE, 100%. When it comes down to it, labels are just a way to identify your preferences to the outside world, they say nothing about who you actually are, they can't define you.

And porn & reality are very different things. I've enjoyed watching porn of men masturbating & gay male porn, while in real life I find anything involving a penis a bit repulsive.

 

Just go with life, whoever we find attractive, we find attractive. Whoever we get warm romantic feelings for, we go for them, if we are free to. That's what I have decided to do- not worry about who I might be attracted to and think about it, but just go see who I actually am attracted to. Sure you might be gay one day, bi the next, straight on another day, whatever. Life is messy and complex, and people need to be educated on the nature of human sexuality, and understand that it isn't just a set of boxes, its a wiggly, squishy experience of lust, love, thoughts, feelings and identities- and can be stable or fluid.
Denial of being gay, though, can cause one to be confused again. I understand that. The compulsion to have an identity to explain ourselves to the world adds to confusion as well. Good luck with figuring things out

 

I don't know if I will ever be 100% sure (I hope so though). I guess this whole questioning and stress took YEARS of my life, so I just try to go with my feelings. I know for sure I like/love girls, I want to be with them romantically, sexually, I'm just all the way for girls. I'm not sure if I like boys too, probably not because I'm not even able to go on a date when somebody asks me. I can see when a boy is handsome (until I see beautiful girl by his side :lol but there are no romantic/sexual feelings. Maybe I could convince myself and give it a try being with a boy, but I would have to TRY. Being around boys doesn't feel natural to me as being near girls does.
I don't know if this was helpful somehow, maybe you could relate to some of those feelings. Basically, what I wanted to say is don't stress too much about it. Do what feels right, be with a person you like and it will just click if it is right for you. You don't have to put label on yourself right away.

 

I agree with everyone! I don't think anyone is ever REALLY sure of their orientation until they're in a fully committed relationship. And, even them, I'm sure there are always doubts. Good luck!

 

You just know. I know people probably already told you that but its the truth. You just have to go with what you think is right. Go with what your heart is telling you. Take your time. Don't rush things even if its stressing you out. I just recently realized that I was a lesbian and the process of getting there was tough but I made it. You just have to be honest with yourself. The more you lie the worse your questioning will get. That's what I did. And the more I continued to lie to myself the worse it got. When I finally admitted to myself that I like girls I instantly knew I was gay. Just take your time and be completely honest with yourself. Hope this helped.

 

mapleluv is completely right. Labels help to describe you and your sexuality, but they're only a guide. There are days when I'm feeling 100% gay and have zero attraction to women. There are other days when I'm probably a kinsey 4 and think "man, she's really good looking."

Start taking note of who you're staring out, what attracts you in a person. Are you attracted to skinny people, bigger people, muscles, breasts....? When you watch porn, who are you staring at? Which acts excite you? Which do you wish you could participate in?

There was a thread not long ago on this forum about lesbians who watch gay porn, and I think quite a few admitted to liking it, so you're not alone in that regard. Yet I'm not sure if any of the females who enjoy gay porn would ever sleep with a guy.

A great way to sort through your feelings is finding someone you can confide in and tell them what you're feeling. That was what really helped bring me from the questioning phase and into this "I'm fairly certain this is who I am." Talking with fellow LGBT people can be a huge help for your psyche.