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I'm confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by kellynec, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. kellynec

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    Hi

    I'm a 18 year old male who's been questioning his sexuality.
    When I was 8-14 years old, I was exclusively attracted to women. All my functions were heterosexual. I was "so straight" that when I first watched porn, it was straight porn, the sight of another guy (esp. male genitalia) was a huge turn off.
    From then on until the age of 14 I had been addicted to porn.

    I've pretty much seen everything that girls can offer in terms of porn.

    I think I've been attracted to guys for the past 4 years, I can definitely get off to them.

    I just can't figure out what my sexuality is. I've not tried it with either sex.

    QUESTIONS
    1) Since I've been a porn addict, can it be I'm bisexual but porn has messed up the reward circuitry of my brain and that's why I've only mainly been able to get off to guys?

    2) To my knowledge, gay guys were never interested in girls, never in their lives, at least to the extent that they felt intense physical attraction to them. Am I correct or am I wrong?
     
    #1 kellynec, Apr 12, 2015
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  2. Im Hazel

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    I don't know. I used to watch a lot of straight / lesbian porn, but now I am exclusively attracted to guys. I was kind-of attracted to women, but it felt fake. I don't know exactly how I felt, but I am pretty sure that it was just me trying to persuade myself that I like girls. You could well be straight, but it has been known for a heterosexual person to expend all pleasure from straight porn and begin to watch gay porn. Only you can know.
     
    #2 Im Hazel, Apr 12, 2015
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  3. kellynec

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    It's not about me watching gay pornography. I have always avoided it. It could be internalized homophobia, but it's more likely that I just don't like it. It just does nothing for me. :S

    Jack I Think, I can't accurately evaluate your response because you're transgender, and keeping this in mind, if you're attracted to men as a transwoman, you're considered straight.
     
  4. Im Hazel

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    That's not what I meant. I have only just started telling people I identify as female, so speech patterns like that have to be relearned. I often still consider myself to be a gay male when thinking about things like this. I edited it and fixed it, so does it make more sense now?
     
  5. kellynec

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    Yes, thank you. But in my case, it did not feel fake at all. It felt so natural, srsly. Oh also when I say it felt natural, I don't mean to offend the community. So sorry if I worded it wrongly, I hope it's clear what I'm trying to say.
     
  6. Im Hazel

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    It is clear. It sounds like you are attracted to women predominantly. Really, labels are irrelevant at this stage - just concentrate on your feelings. Making lists helped me. Try listing everyone who you feel attracted to, by gender.

    (Also saying something feels natural / unatural isn't offensive in this context. It would be offensive to refer to an entire concept like that, but not attraction to induviduals (etc.).)
     
  7. Jax12

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    Assigning labels early on will not help you because you're still in the stage of discovering what your thoughts and attractions mean. Only recently have I accepted my attractions to males, and I believe at this point I'm more attracted to males than females.

    And I'm okay with that. And nothing has really changed, I'm still the same person before I started questioning.
     
  8. kellynec

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    And we respect you all the more, Jax. Sadly, still a lot of people don't understand the struggles queer people have to go through in the early stages of their coming out.

    @Jack_I_Think: For example there's a girl I really like, so I guess I'm still attracted to some girls? Figures... I especially like the idea of having to look at who you are attracted to IN REAL LIFE because porn is, apparently, not your sexual orientation. Guess I'm just tired of all those fake girls in porn... :/
     
  9. Purp

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    Yoooo, hola! I've been through a similar predicament. Porn isn't often a good indication of your true sexuality. Try looking outside porn finding what floats your boat and whatnot. I stepped away from the porn when trying to figure myself out and it became clear my affections and attractions to people.
     
  10. kellynec

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    Yo, thanks for the response bro!

    So when I was 8 I didn't watch porn when I became excited by my female teacher.
    Now when I look at one of my female classmates, I think I have some feelings for her.

    Also when I just mind my business in town, I almost only spot really, really pretty and attractive girls.

    What does this tell you?