I am seriously confused. I have been questioning for over a year so I'm kind of "used to" not knowing for sure what my sexual orientation is but there are a few things that really confuse me. I have heard before that many people who experience attractions to both men and women (or people in general, regardless of their gender) are not equally attracted to men and women and might go through phases where they are barely attracted to one gender at all. It's similar for me, only that I'm certain that I'm not into women enough to call myself bisexual whenever I'm in a more straight phase. A few weeks pass and I get into another "but women are nice, too"-phase but I'm still not sure if I'm bisexual or maybe just heteroflexible. By the way, what do you think of when you hear "heteroflexible"? What does it mean to you? I don't quite know what the actual definition of the term includes so maybe you could help me there? One more thing that confuses me is that I don't feel attracted to men and women in the same way. It's hard to describe but I don't feel nearly as much physical attraction towards women as I do towards men. Then again, sometimes I think that I don't get as attracted by people's bodies as other people might. This is so difficult to explain! This also makes it hard for me to understand what exactly I feel for a friend of mine. I think I have a small crush on her but I've never had a crush on a girl before. I don't know... I just really like having her around, I think she's smart and pretty, and I realised today that I also like how she smells, which is a big sign for me when it comes to crushes. I feel like I've just been rambling. These things are just on my mind a lot and I haven't found answers yet. Whenever I think I'm getting closer to an answer I start thinking too much and making everything too complicated and then I forget what the answer was :bang: Any thoughts?
Hey, don't worry about rambling, it seems like you've got a lot on your mind and it's good to get it off your chest To your question about the term 'heteroflexible'- I can't give you a precise definition, someone else on the site I'm sure will be better qualified to do that, but my understanding is that it means mostly straight but with some slight inclinations/openness towards relationships with the same gender. Which I do think sounds like a fairly reasonable summary of what you have described, but only you can truly decide that. It's completely normal to feel as though your attraction towards each gender keeps shifting. Many people who identify as bisexual people experience that, and sexuality is a very fluid thing. Do not worry too much about finding the right label, be it bisexual or heteroflexible or anything else. If you choose one, choose it because it makes you feel comfortable identifying that way. But honestly, remember that labels describe you; they do not define you. It is best to simply follow your attractions feeely and open-mindedly, without being too concerned about the implication it has on yoir chosen label. Best of luck x
I identify as homoflexible, which would be the exact opposite of what Ortensia described. My attractions have certainly shifted over the past couple of years, and at the moment I'm more attracted to guys. But I remember in the beginning, I kept going back and forth in terms of labels cause I couldn't make up my mind. Now that I'm more comfortable with my attractions in general, I feel that homoflexible fits me the best, at least for now. Be open to change.
Thank you! I know that it's ok and normal to shift back and forth but it still really helps when other people tell me that. I just have this thing in my mind that tells me that I have to find the right label. I mean, if I was sure that I'm bisexual, I feel like I could tell my friends, but since I don't know there's nothing to tell and I have to deal with it on my own. For a while I wished that I could just fall in love with a girl because then I would be sure but now that I kind of have some sort of feelings for that one friend, I realise that I was stupid. It's not helping me at all. I guess questioning is just a longer journey than I thought it would be.
Hey, you don't have to deal with this on your own. Not only do you have this site, but I'm sure that you could still tell your friends without having decided on a label. I'm sure they'd be understanding if you told them you were questioning. I mean, you dont have to tell them anything, but if you're looking for support during this difficult stage don't be afraid to reach out to those who care about you. You don't need to keep everything bottled up. Yes, it's a difficult process, but there are plenty of people going through the exact same thing as you. Think about it that way, and hopefully you'll feel less alone. X
