I have been questioning whether or not I'm bisexual for a few years now. I always thought I was straight for most of my life, but I really started to question my sexuality during high school. And I know this going to sound weird, but there's a part of me that almost doesn't want to be straight. One of the reasons for this is if I'm straight, it would mean my questioning would have been all for nothing. All of my worrying and stress over my sexuality would have been meaningless. If I really am bisexual, I would have some closure on my sexual orientation and I would be able to stop worrying about it. Another reason is that if I'm bisexual, I can still be a part of Empty Closets and the LGBT community. I'm still a little new here, but I really want to keep spending time here on the forum. If I'm straight, I wouldn't really have a reason to be here. I'm afraid that my attraction to other women might be just a phase because I never had any real crushes on girls when I was a kid (or at least I never noticed them). Most lgbt people knew exactly what they were from a very young age. I'm afraid that because I'm still not 100% sure what I am, my attraction to both men and women could be nothing more than "just a phase".
Well to start, I think you're wrong when you say that if you are straight then the time you spent questioning would have been for nothing. Figuring out one's sexuality, I believe, allows someone to connect with a deeper, more intimate part of themselves. Exploring how one feels can never be a bad thing. Even if someone does wind up identifying as straight they can feel more at ease knowing exactly what it is they want. As for your other reason for wanting to be bi, no matter what your sexuality is you will always be welcome here. It doesn't matter if you identify as bi or a straight ally, Empty Closets would never turn someone away for their sexual orientation. Plenty of women don't know that they like other women until they are much older. The idea that women have always known is something that is commonly portrayed in media and it's also often enforced by some lgbt advocates. But the fact of the matter is that it just isn't the case for every queer woman. Most of my lgbt friends were questioning for at least some length of time. It didn't even cross my mind that me liking girls was a possibility until I was twelve. I think the fact that EC has a questioning option for the sexual orientation section of your profile is evidence of how many people go through the same thing that you're going through. Instead of focusing so much about how long you've known, try confirming your desires. Do you want to have relationships with women? Are you attracted to women? What are your thoughts when you see an attractive woman? Do you or would you enjoy kissing, hugging, or having sex with women? These are things that determine your sexuality, not who you crushed on as a second grader. I hope you can find an identity that you are comfortable with and are happy to bear. :smilewave
I'm one of those guys that never had attractions to guys on my age, and never knew ever since I was a kid. Only signs that I can think of that pointed me towards gay was my attractions to older men, like male teachers. Since realizing this, I still haven't really felt anything for guys my age, but for guys much older, I have. I realize that my attractions to girls is probably deep appreciation for them, and even though at times I may want to have sex with a girl, its inconsistent, therefore I do not identify as bi (at least not for now). There is certainly nothing wrong with questioning, even if you turn out to be straight. That just means you know more about yourself, and that is always a benefit in the long run.
