Im a 16 year old practising Muslim in London from a practising religious family. In the past, due to my initial beliefs, I used to be think that being gay was bad and disgusting. I used to also think that i was definitely straight and I felt no attraction to boys. However, for the past one or two years, I've suddenly felt a lot more attracted to boys, bud sadly, its not so straightforward for me. Whenever I feel sexually aroused, most of my sexual fantasies focus around men, penises, crossdressers, transsexuals etc. I feel almost certain that im gay or at least bi and I even tell myself that I'm gay and that its ok. To explore my sexuality, I have watched pornography and when I am aroused, 90% of the videos I watch are of men or transsexuals. I feel totally attracted to them and I have no doubt that I'm gay. Most of the time when i feel aroused, I don't feel attractee by women and I am never attracted by their pubic areas at all. However when I stop feeling aroused, I feel really guilty due to my religious beliefs and I feel embarassed at myself. I usually find women the more attractive gender but I don't really find the same sexual desire for them even if I do think that they are more beautiful than the men I feel aroused by. I normally try to suppress my sexual desires and I feel straight, and I normally try convince myself that im straight even if I don't totally believe it. I honestly feel like I have two personalities. I can't ask any of my family for help as they are stricty religious, I can't really ask anybody for help at school as a large number of people there are homophobic as well, and i cant really interact with other lgbt people for help for similar reasons. I know nous of you guys can know for sure but what do you guys think about my sexuality. Do you think I'm gay, that's its just a phase or even something else????? Please share your opinion, I am totally confused and your thoughts would be very useful
I also come from a praticing Muslim family, although I myself am not religious. I used to be, though, and that caused me to believe my feelings towards girls were abhorrent, and I experienced the same kind of feelings of guilt about my sexuality. Now I am perfectly comfortable with myself and hopefully, ou will be too, one day I'm not saying you need to lose your religion in order to do that, but you ought to remember that Allah is loving and merciful, and would not want you to suffer over something you fundamentally have no control over- who you are attracted to. And you should also know that you are not alone; there are so many people going through exactly what you're going through, many of whom you'll find on this site, and we're happy to support you and give you all the advice you need. It does seem like you have a genuine attraction to men, although, of course, only you can know that for certain. Some helpful questions to consider might be: can you picture yourself in a loving, happy relatipnship with a man? Can you see yourself like that with a woman? What feels natural to you? I know this is a really tough stage to go through. I hope you find peace with who you are. Love yourself- there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and nothing you should be ashamed of. Sending you hugs x
Hi! Can't wait for this entire answer to give you a hug, so I'll give you one now (*hug*) Firstly, I think it's paramount in your situation to remember that while there is beauty in religious scripture, those are highly political texts. They make a lot of very specific value judgments, and are products of their time. It is important to remember that a lot of those specific judgments on e.g. what constitues haram, are very different in modern-day London than they were in the time and place that the Quran was written. To clarify; If you agree with me on the above, then I think you may also agree with me that you have your own right to judge what is wrong and what is right for you in your life. That said, many religious institutions and those people who adhere to said institutions, still take very literal standpoints on what constitues haram, sin, excessive material desire, etc., which can spell trouble for some people who feel misplaced or ill-treated by those standpoints. Unfortunately, such standpoints cannot be changed over night. I don't think that you think that you are straight, so my advice would be to stop telling yourself that you are. Focus on your own feelings. Identify them. Try your very best to accept them. Then, you may be able to persuade people indisposed to accept you, to accept you. In the mean time, you've us We're here to help you. I sincerely hope that you'll find peace within yourself, inshallah. Take care of yourself and don't bottle things up, you've EC to vent when you need to! <3 (*hug*) PS. I am not a practising Muslim (atm), but I am an omnist and adhere to several religions including Islam.
Thanks ortensia, that was probably the most meaningful reply ive ever heard. It's pretty depressing knowing that there are other kids in pretty similar situations who are also confused. Thinking about myself, I believe I may be gay or at least definitely bi, so Im thinking about coming out in the near future....if I can muster the courage. How did u come out to the people you know and did they react badly? ---------- Post added 14th Apr 2015 at 12:15 PM ---------- Thank you as well for your message. I think your right and I think its important to try and accept that I'm probably not straight although I'm not sure it will be too easy to do so.
In terms of coming out to my family, they inevitably did not take it well. There are plenty of people who are religious but would still accept a loved one coming out, but my family don't fall under that category. My relationship with them was strained for a long time, until enough time had passed that they could feasibly just pretend it never even happened, and I'm sorry I can't give you a more uplifting story. However, I will tell you this: I absolutely do not regret telling them, despite the negative response. Why? Because damn, it was worth it. The feeling of not having to hide myself, the feeling of embracing who I truly am after years of stifling it was a feeling I would not take back. And even though they refuse to acknowledge me as a lesbian, and I dont even try to make them anymore, I still feel like an enormous weight has been lifted, because I told them. I've done my bit. I'm free! Well, not quite free, I still live under their roof and have to abide by their rules, but EMOTIONALLY I have been liberated.
Haha, Ortensia, Teenage Lesbian Ninja Turle! : D <3 And anon, just a side question... You said you're thinking of coming out, do you have someone you feel you can trust? It's most often best to start with the people you're most sure will be accepting, I think, then work your way down the line. For example, I told my best friend yet, I was basically 100% sure he'd be accepting, and so he was. Then I told my mom, who I was 95%+ certain she would take it well, etc. etc. I still haven't told my old acquaintances (sorry, I'm tired, can't spell), but I'm definitely planning to. I'm not at all sure they'll take it well, but better honest and free! PS. Sorry I was super-formal above, I get like that when I'm writing 'seriously' ^^ Take care <3
I don't really think there's many people who i can really tell. Theres one girl I really one to tell as shes totally open minded and openly promotes gay rights but ive always felt too scared to tell her
If she's totally cool with it, what have you got to lose? but I mean, there's no rush to come out; do it at a pace you're comfortable with. Sounds like she's a good place to start, though. Keep us posted!
