Hey, I'm a 14 year old girl who is having problems with her sexuality... and needs advice. At this current time, I am dating a boy who is lovely, smart, sweet etc. but I think that I got my feelings mixed up when saying "yes" to date him, I might just like him as a fiend? I think I am interested in girls. I think that guys can be cute, hot, sexy etc. but the thought of them sexually doesn't appeal to me. As I'm only 14 I am unsure whether I am just curious or I am in fact a lesbian (or bisexual). I really don't want to upset this boy because I have said "No" to dating him before and it really hurt him... I also don't know what my friends would say and do. Luckily, my Auntie is a lesbian, but I don't feel comfortable talking to her about this. Please, if you have any advice, it would be much appreciated. Is there anyone else in this position... I don't want to feel alone :/ Thanks, Guitarscars2000 (*hug*)
Hey There, I'm not sure if I can help much, seeing as how I've just recently been having mixed emotions about my own sexuality -- and I'm about 10 years older than you. I just wanted to say that, you're young. I had my first sexual experience with a girl at your age, and it didn't really mean anything to me. Your hormones are raging, and I can only imagine what it's like to feel confused while you're going through the trenches of high school. All I can say is, if you're not feeling that guy, even if you were sure you were straight, I'd say you shouldn't stay with him. Don't waste your time and energy on anything that doesn't make you happy or you're not sure of -- when it comes to relationships. I know that high school is a rough time to try and figure such things out, but just take it one day at a time, and date who you want, and if it's not okay to date whomever you want because you fear what family or school mates will think, and that would be something you couldn't dodge if anything was thrown at you (metaphorically), then just be. Whether that means being single or being in relationships, with guys or girls. Like I said, and it's probably annoying to hear, but you're so young. You have a lot of time to figure stuff out. If not now, then definitely college. Just be who you are and be true to yourself. That will always help you figure out where you belong.
YeahpIdk is definitely on to something, Guitarscars2000. The way I see it, there are three issues here. One is easily solved, and the other one is not a problem at all, and the third... - The matter of your boyfriend. Like YeahpIdk said, if you're not feeling it, stop. If it's causing you more irritation/stress than pleasure, stop. There's no sense in lying to yourself and him. I understand not wanting to hurt him, but in the long run, lying will hurt you two more, I promise. I ended things with my first boyfriend only a few weeks into our "relationship," because I wasn't feeling a spark, I just wasn't feeling. Yeah, he was hurt, but I didn't do it callously, either, and we're still friends, more than a year later. (I was a late bloomer, I guess -- I certainly never had a boyfriend at your age!) Whether or not you break up with him doesn't really have much to do with your sexuality at this stage. It's about him. Do you like him (really like him)? Do you want to be his girlfriend? - The matter of your sexuality: You're 14. It's not too early or too young to know, but it's definitely normal to be confused. And it's okay. I think you know that, from your post. - The matter of your friends: You don't have to tell them anything just now. If I were you, I would test the waters a little by bringing up LGBT subjects (like news topics, gay marriage, etc) and seeing how they react, to get an idea of their level of acceptance. If there's someone you're very close to, you can tell that person you're unsure, and questioning. It can really help, to have someone to talk to. But you don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable. Just enjoy the friendships now -- if they're really your friends, in the future, it'll be okay.
