Hey All, I'm newish to this forum, but it's been somewhat helpful to read things and it's nice to have support sometimes. Even though posting into space about my sexuality stuff is slightly barbaric to me. I wrote a post last week in the LGBT Later in Life space, talking about my story of falling in love (?) lust (?) with a girl I met at university in my mid 20's. Being with guys, crushing on guys for the majority of my life, and then meeting her -- which was more intense than any crush and even feelings I've ever had for anyone in my life thus far. I recently told my mom what's going on. Got a really good response, I'm one of the lucky ones to have an open minded parent who just loves her child regardless; it's always heart breaking to hear otherwise. I've been going through my own process with it for about a year now, and it took a lot out of me to tell her, with a very draining weekend of emotional preparation for myself. I'm glad I did it, though, because I feel that at least with her knowing it's possible I could wind up with a girl someday, it lets me focus on myself and what I want, rather than constantly freaking out about how I need to plan out the way I'd approach anything with anyone and worry what people (pretty much just my mum) would think of me. Now, though, I still feel very confused. I'm still reeling from my emotions with the girl I fell for. We no longer have a relationship due to her lack of being able to feel emotions but impressive ability to feign them (yup, still bitter). This is where I'm confused. I think about females a lot, or at least the wanting to be with one, unfortunately, still her. We always go back to the last one, though, right? And she had a very (to me) particular style that doesn't seem easy to find, but is what really peaks my interest when it comes to females: soft butch, androgynous, but also pretty femme looking -- I like to use Ruby Rose as an example, but doesn't everyone want her? No, just me? Good. So that's who I find attractive, that's what immediately gets my radar up, but I NEVER see any girls in real life that look like this...except for the one I fell for. It's strange to me that I'd just have one type. On top of that, I still find men attractive, and if I'm examining it, it's usually because they have similar features. Pretty, preppy, hipster boys -- and pretty, preppy, hipster girls. With boys, though. Even a hint of femininity turns me off. With girls, too much masculinity turns me off. I only began to question, and find some validity in being a lesbian (always have been very comfortable with my sexuality and deep down considered myself bi -- but feel like everyone's bi -- but maybe that's just something a bi person thinks?) because my feelings were so intense. Can anyone relate to this? Can you be a lesbian if you find men attractive in a sexual way? Like, get that intimidated sexual attraction thing when they're standing by you and you think they're hot -- and also have that with chicks of your liking? I used to be so fine about everything, and now it's like I need a label, even though deep down I don't think anyone needs one. I've been struggling a lot and would appreciate feedback/stories.
Well you could see posting different... its many people giving it thought, and often very helpful answers arise... since its kind of anon why not talk about things like sexuality... people still do not know a lot of stuff, so imo its necessary to talk about it... you could try to get away from precise visual images and come to the core of a person you would like... character traits etc... that might make it easier... you could look up the kinsey scale and make a few tests... there are ones with more questions to get a bit more differentiated result... and there is sexual and romantic attraction, there are quite a few lesbians who say they can not relate to men on a relationship level. And, well, some say they prefer women because they are kind of similar, emotionally... well you do not necessarily need a label. You might get around a bit in lgbt circles... there might be a center close by, with activities and groups.... there might be support groups... hugs
I loved this OP and jay777's comments. I can really relate to not needing a label. If I were to dive into labels, I'd say that I'm queer heterosexual and demisexual, and perhaps depending on degrees bisexuality could be argued. But at 45, given the amount of time I've spent pursuing same-sex relationships vs. not, I think that for me, bi is a stretch, and the others aren't in my experience well understood enough or accepted enough in the LGBT community I encounter to make me want to express this labels as an outward identity. So I am a cisgendered/straight ally as my outward labels go, and for me, that's perfectly ok. If I was 25 years younger, I might have a different opinion. But getting to the point, not really considering myself bi--I don't sit and daydream about men in the abstract, only women--I can still become very taken with and turned on by an exceptional person of any gender. At times I've pursued them, but the point is that I don't personally believe that every nuance of behavior must be reflected in a label. Maybe this helps. I hope it does. All my best to you.
Hey guys, - I agree that these things should be spoken about and this is a safe place for it. I appreciate it for that. I also agree that I need to look more at the traits of a person, but I know what I like, and know that's another reason I found the person I did so attractive. And like QuixoticSJ said for himself, maybe I was just completely taken with her because she was so unique looking: gender fluid with femme and masculine traits, but Idk, maybe that's what really gets me going. I'm really starting to analyze what it is I find attractive in both men and women, to further help myself understand what's going on. And I feel like, as soon as I fell for this girl and accepted the fact that I was very lusty over her, something felt natural for me to feel sexual towards the female body. I'd always looked at girls' bodies and took notice of how amazing some of them were, especially in the booty section, but my, "ugh she's so hot, I wish I looked like that" felt natural to turn into, "ugh she's so hot, I wouldn't mind having that butt, also, can I touch hers?" I also got more excited about sex, like it would be better because a girl knew what she was doing and it would be more satisfying because it would last longer and there was more to touch. Then when I thought about men, I really don't get that excited over their bodies. I find masculinity hot. Like their stance and back and being taller and more muscular than I, but she had some of these traits, which I somehow found hotter than any guy I'd looked at. She had the masculinity, the awesome butt I wanted to touch (and wouldn't mind having), and is so beautiful and smart...and sexy. I feel like I found more goodness in her than any guy, so I don't know... after I say all that, I'm not feeling too straight! It's just I feel like I'll never run into another, which is so upsetting to me. Don't know if it was fleeting or not. Thanks for the response, guys.
