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Has being in the closet/questioning affected your romantic relationships too?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by woahthatsboring, Apr 16, 2015.

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  1. woahthatsboring

    woahthatsboring
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    So, basically I'm a idiot. :dry: I'm not sure if I'm the only one that has ever felt like this but recently I'm really regretting letting someone go. Last summer, I met this girl "Danny" and when I first noticed her, she was gorgeous and I assumed she was straight because she didn't seem like it to me( but now I think she's at least bisexual). Anyways, Danny and I talked more and more as we got to know more things about each other and on more than one occasion our conversation was definitely considered flirty. . At that time, I thought we were just having fun plus she was 3 years older than me anyways so no big deal we won't run into each other. Then before the summer ends she asks me the question I dreaded. Yup! She asked me if I was gay? I didn't know what to say! I've always wondered what it would be like to be with the same sex but I considered myself straight still. So, I told her no and ever since then she declined more and more the conversations got awkward we lost our spark and bam! We stopped talking :frowning2:

    Anyways, I regret this a lot. I keep telling myself, she needed more anyways, someone who could actually be proud of being with her publicly and I couldn't be that... This still doesn't help. It actually makes me feel worse especially now because I think she's going out with someone and whenever we make eye contact( ironically I ran into her, I know :/ ) it's awkward, she doesn't look me in the eyes :tears:

    I'm still questioning but I just want a second chance with her. I know she's with someone else but I don't see a ring on her finger!

    Anyways, guys I need help. I'm still questioning/ in the closet but I don't want to waste a good thing 10 years from now :frowning2: :help:
     
    #1 woahthatsboring, Apr 16, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2015
  2. Lyana

    Lyana
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    If she's with someone, I'm not sure it's fair of you to try to end that when you're not sure of yourself. Yes, it will suck for you if five years down the line you realize you really missed out on something that could have been great, but it will suck worse for her if something happens, and then you decide you can't do it because of concerns over your sexuality.

    Being in the closet when you're in a relationship is hard enough (whether the other partner is or isn't in the closet; both create issues of their own). But questioning and being in a relationship has got to be pretty terrifying for the other partner, if you're constantly unsure of what you feel towards them.

    However, you seem to really like Danny. I don't think you should pursue something with her right now, but I would encourage you to try to talk to her again and end the "awkwardness." Remind her of good times you had, tell her you'd like to talk again, maybe invite her out for a drink or something to catch up. Tell her she can bring a friend/girlfriend with her (or that you will) if she looks hesitant. If you two can be friends and make it work, and she's bi/gay, you could talk to her about your questioning. It can be really helpful to have an LGBT friend to talk to when you're at this stage.

    Good luck.
     
    #2 Lyana, Apr 17, 2015
  3. mindthegap

    mindthegap
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    I know it must be hard to feel like you missed the opporunity but if Danny really is in a relationhip I don't think you should do something about you two. If you were sure you are gay/bi and there really was something between you two it would possibly be okay to act on your feelings but now when you are still questioning it's not a good idea.
    But as Lyana said it could be good to try to be at least friends for now, situation may change later.
     
    #3 mindthegap, Apr 17, 2015
  4. woahthatsboring

    woahthatsboring
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    I would love to thank for you tell repyling! You're right. Even though I would love to rush this process and tell her already so we can be together, I can't. I think I would end up hurting myself a lot rushing things and possibly her if I drag her eith me back into the closet. Her "girlfriend" obviously makes her happy and I'm happy for them, for her-- it just hurts a lot because I want that but not with any other girl just her :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2015 at 05:32 PM ----------
    Thank you so much for your reply. Begin friends with her is going to be hard since I will always look at her as more than that and I can't change my flirty tone. I think I will avoid her instead. I know it's childish but I just don't want to be reminded of her relationship constantly. I already have to hear about one of my other crushes being straight I don't want to think about the "one that for away" as well too
     
    #4 woahthatsboring, Apr 17, 2015
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